Candy A. Westbrook

Time Out! Flag on the Play

December 5, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Readers,

Stop the Pass! Holding. Offsides. False start. Forgive this Football Mama, please!

In my last column, I recommended the book, Never Shut Up by Marcellus Wiley. Do not buy this book. There should be no excuse for this, and sadly, I did put this rotten game plan together. I usually try to read books before suggesting them, but in my rush to get information to the broken-ankle family, I goofed. The ball dropped, and I blew it. I hadn’t quite started reading said book before I suggested it in print. Suggested it in the column, no less, for every fan to see. Oh, now that’s what I call, backfield in motion. I know, an old school penalty. Still, a penalty I regret. Go ahead, move the chains back.

In an effort to suggest a new book—instead of going to the oldies and based on the reviews I’d read—I ordered this 2018 release. I try to keep up with the latest football or sports books. But—big BUT here—as I started to read it last week, I was so disappointed to see the expletives that really aren’t necessary to get a point across. I was bummed that the author used such vile language, not just once in a while, but all the while. Mostly every paragraph. Maybe even every sentence. I would never recommend such a book, even though I most certainly did in that column. But now, I reserve the right to intentionally ground it. I’ll take the lost yardage.

As the heart behind the gridiron, I try very hard not only to give the best advice possible, but also to endorse reading material and/or films that bring home quality messages, which contain gripping stories, or hold locker room keys of encouragement, told in a family-friendly way.

Full disclosure: I do not have wings attached to my back or a halo encircling my head. I’ve been known to let those tainted varmints scoot off my tongue a time or two myself. Tisk, tisk, I might be on the naughty list. However, I try very hard not to write such vulgar language in print. If a body has to write poison-polluted language every now and then, I give it a pass. To pen that nasty trash in every paragraph … no, no, no. I have to ask myself, are these folks really writers or authors if they have to use such cheap, tasteless chatter that often?

Bottom line: anything from Tony Dungy Uncommon, Finding Your Path to Significance would be my first choice for most anyone. Then again, Quiet Strength was fantastic. I tend to tip toward the true triumphal stories, and not just in football. Most anything inspirational or encouraging is generally going to grip my brain and retain my attention. I will say the fiction book by author and former NFL star Tim Green, Unstoppable, is on my pile. It’s recommended for middle school through high school, and I’m about to open those pages. I just might become a fast fiction fan of this author. Again, fair warning—haven’t started reading it, yet.

Since we’ve got that game plan in place, please let me know of your favorite football or sports books. I look forward to your suggestions and comments. Hopefully, we won’t have to go behind the field house again to correct my mistakes and make adjustments.

Dear Football Mom,

We are in the state playoffs, but this is our son’s senior year, and he’s not had any offers from colleges for a scholarship. We’ve talked to the head coach lately, and we both feel he’s not interested in helping with recruitment. We are at our wits end. What should we do?

Dear Reader,

Hang on. And by all means, remain in the present and enjoy this awesome privilege being in the state playoffs. A well-fought honor, no doubt. Lap up this success like a big ol’ dog slurping water out of its bowl. This time right here will evaporate in a heartbeat to a treasured, past memory, and you don’t want to miss a thing. You will come to regret it if you look past this moment in time.

For cooperation with your coach on helping your son receive a college scholarship … well, the worst, very worst, thing you can do right now is bug the tar out of him while he’s trying to get his team ready, and prepare for this big game. Back off. For the moment, at least.

That said, I have to commend you on your proactive stance and effort to help your son receive a scholarship. Sometimes it takes being there at just the right time and seizing the opportunity in front of your face. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but your son has time.

His team is going to state playoffs, what an opportunity right there. There are sure to be tons of college recruiters sitting on both sides of the field. The best thing y’all can do is get your son ready for this game—mentally and physically. If he does that for his team, he’ll impress somebody the night of the game. Film it.

Oh, and by the way, during his breaks at school this week, instead of hanging out in the halls with that purty little gal that makes his heart go pitter-patter, he should be in the video room scoping out his competition and how he’s going to nail that bad boy’s tail to the ground. Focus. On. What’s. In. Front. Of. You.

When the Going Gets Tough, Will You Get Going?

November 26, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

How do you help your son cope when he was carried off the field on a stretcher during the game playoffs last Friday night? He’s in the hospital with a broken ankle and will have surgery soon. He is so angry that he won’t be able to play for the region championship. He’s a wide receiver and has broken several school records this season. We are not a religious family, but I’ve read that you are. Would you pray for us? I’m afraid of what this is doing to his usual positive personality.

Dear Reader,

Oh, my stars, I am so sorry y’all are going through this trial. The truth is I’ve been in your shoes, and I know how hard it is, scary even, to see your child in pain and facing surgery. As moms, we are sometimes at a loss of how to help our children through this kind of adversity without becoming uptight, anxious, and full-blown frantic ourselves. Of course, I’ll pray for y’all, and all the other boys of fall who have taken a hit this year. As much fun as football is, it’s never fun to get laid up with injuries. But injuries don’t have to stop a player’s determination. In fact, it will reveal it.

Once rehab kicks in, it will be totally up to him as to his recovery. How determined will his willpower be in working through the pain? This is when the winner or whiner in him will come out. It is true. I tell you no lie. But as a mom of faith, I can tell you that leaning on the Lord is the best medicine, rehab, or recovery plan available.

That said, my best suggestion would be to start a game plan now. It is never good for an active athlete to while away the hours and get all bubble-headed. While he recovers from surgery, I would recommend reading a couple of books that might shine a light and help him through the downtime. You may even want to read out loud to him in the hospital. You’d be surprised how effective that is to get his mind off himself and that doggone injury.

My picks for reading are Never Shut Up by Marcellus Wiley or Shaken by Tim Tebow. Once home, your whole family may enjoy films like, My All American. That film would be my first choice. It’s an awesome story about a player who never gave up for the Texas Longhorns and head coach legend, Darrell Royal. It could bring a tear—it is a true story. He might also enjoy Touchback, another great story, but he may not appreciate the significance of the film until later. Of course, good ole Rudy, and Facing the Giants is really good too, it starts off slow, but you’ll be drawn in, in more ways than one.

Keeping a timely curfew and getting plenty of rest and h2o (water) is huge. No goofing off and being stupid. He’ll be behind with schoolwork anyhow, so keeping a regimen and a schedule is always a good idea. Keep any doctor appointments.

Make sure he eats healthy—green veggies, real food, meat, fish, and milk. And keep that boy off his foot as much as possible. In other words … no cape flying, no Superman stunts! Stay on the crutches when mobile, no weight bearing for a few weeks. Listen to the doc and after release—rehab, rehab, rehab.

I have no doubt this trial will turn for good at some point for your family, and y’all will come out even stronger than you ever thought possible. So will your son.

Dear Football Mom,

Our son wants to give up football after being benched most of the year. He has potential but no confidence. Next year he’ll be a sophomore in high school. It is the only sport he plays, and he really does love it. What can we do to increase his confidence?

Dear Reader,

What if Babe Ruth pulled out and didn’t show up after 1,330 strikeouts? What if Peyton Manning—who once had a speech impediment and was born with cleft palate—quit the position of quarterback, afraid to call the plays or counts because he wouldn’t be understood? What if Michael Jordon quit basketball after failing to make his high school basketball team as a sophomore.

These were all ordinary people who hung in, stuck to it, and came out on top with extraordinary results because they failed to give up. Of course, my stance has always been that it is more harmful to force kids to play. Football players have to want to play the game and make up their own minds to do so. However, not playing could put his confidence meter in a corner for a very long time.

Small success lead to bigger success, but ya gotta put yourself out there. Maybe he is great at math or loves science. Or, can run fast. The point is, find something that he likes, is good at and build on that. Small encouragement matters.

As for the confidence of your son, the little imp lie of “the comparison trap” might be more at play than you think. But hey, honestly, if he was a freshman on a varsity team, that’s purdy awesome right there, even if he did warm the bench. He still practiced, worked out, and helped his team, perhaps more than he knows.

Besides, you can learn a lot from the bench. But ya gotta pay attention. Take full advantage of the bench view, watch the game, the coaches, mark down mental notes, then who knows … he could be the guy with the red nose who’s called upon because of his rare talent—and leads his team to victory.

How to Be a True Leader—On and Off the Field

November 5, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

There is a chance we could be in the state playoffs for the first time in school history. My son is one of the senior captains. Several football players on our team are more basketball players than football players, and basketball is their chosen sport. They are great athletics, valuable to our football team, and have contributed enormously to our winning season. Basketball practice has already started at our school. Our son is sensing an unrest or an uneasiness with these players wanting to get done with football to move on to basketball. That would hurt our chances for state. How does he lead his team and encourage these players who are itching to get on with basketball to hang in through the playoffs?

Dear Reader,

Wow. Great question! How cool is that, to line up in football for a chance to birth a state championship. Congratulations to your son, his team, and his high school on a winning season.

So, what we have here are a few sweet football fellas who have ants in their pants to quit football and hook up with basketball. Sounds like a girlfriend dumping the boyfriend to go with another guy. We call this fickle, bubble-headed, or wobbly. This is tough because if you can’t be all in, especially playing football, you really should be all out.

To be clear, I am a fan of basketball too. So please keep the hate mail to a minimum. Not putting basketball down a-tall. Just promoting sticking with what a body started, committed to, and staying consistent, is all. Some might call it being a man of your word. Others, reliable.

Your son may have to have one of them heart-to-heart talks with the basketball players. Either they want to make football history for the school … or they don’t. It really is that simple. What these boys need is fire in the belly, not fire ants in their pants.

I imagine coach is well aware of this tiny infraction and will do all he can to bring any breach to a successful close one way or the other. But your son and his teammates hold a lot of weight on the team. They may be the only ones who really know what buttons to push to help them fellas choose the higher calling. After all, one day this entire team will graduate, maybe graduate college, and get on with their lives. Do they really want to go down in history as quitters, when they can choose to be part of a team that broke school records? Surely not.

No doubt, a lot of hard work went into this team since last summer, last season, and possibly beyond that. Countless hours of workouts, practice, teamwork, and the coaches strategic game plans. Winning seasons don’t just happen. Do the basketballers really want to chunk it all now?

Honestly, I haven’t a clue on how to help, but your son with his crew will figure out how to spike the ball and stop the clock. What it comes to for them basketball boys, will they seize the day and take the challenge out front. Basketball isn’t dribbling away—it will still be there once football ends.

This possible high school state championship is but a moment in time, a once in a lifetime opportunity. He may remind them just how special and rare championship teams are. The chance of participating on any other sports-related championship team becomes a roll of the dice. It can come down to now or never.

Remember, what you do today will determine how well your tomorrow shines.

Dear Football Mom,

When your own team boos your son, how do you respond to that? My son is a good player. But in the region playoffs, minutes before the fourth quarter ended, he dropped the ball. Yes, fumbled it on the twelve-yard line. Then it was picked up by the other team, and they ran for a touchdown. Time was up. The game was over. We lost.

Dear Reader,

What I can tell you is this, the “boos” were probably for the other team picking it up and running all the way for a touchdown. This does happen, and the sting of it lasts for a while. The booing can even last for what seems like an eternity, and even our sons’ names or numbers are chanted out—and not in a good way. The mudslinging can get downright nasty.

Sometimes, like it or not, our sons may deserve it. Most football players at every level blows-it now and then. Heck, I’ve yelled at my own sons before and I’ve blown it myself a time or two. But I know, it tough sitting in the stands hearing the chatter. Still, it’s how we respond that helps us keep our cool.
Pluck the feathers out from under your skin—you are not a chicken. Football Moms … we have to grow some Teflon skin and wipe it off. Usually, some good ole fashion grit will do just fine for that.

Pray for Your Coaches—Even When It’s Tough

October 30, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

My husband’s work takes him out of town most weeks. This summer, he was in another city eating dinner in the hotel restaurant when he saw our son’s position coach. The coach was with a woman, not his wife. My husband saw this coach from a distance, however, and I thought he could be mistaken. Now, we are hearing rumors. Our son plays college ball, so this was a college coach. I want to call the athletic director, but my husband said, “no way.” What should I do? I’m disappointed in this coach and outraged, to put it mildly. Aren’t these college coaches supposed to set good examples on and off the field? If I could just get a hold of him, I’d give him an earful.

Dear Football Mom,

As much as you’d like to take this coach dude behind a woodshed and pound some moral decency into his brain—don’t. Listen to your husband on this one. I hate to tell you, but trying to beat some morality in him would only hurt your son. And hey, honestly, it wouldn’t take anyhow. Here is where cool heads prevail over heated fussing-outs.

What if, for instance, it was someone who looked like the coach and was actually a case of mistaken identity. It could have been someone else. Even though rumors fly quicker than a 747 jet, you never know for sure. Perhaps a sister or cousin? I’m giving this guy all the benefit of the doubt I can. I know, that’s rare for me, but here is why.

College coaches are continually on the trail looking to field their teams with talent for the next upcoming year. Especially true for the assistants, meaning the position coaches are almost always traveling somewhere every Friday night during season. When Friday lights dim, they are visiting high school spring practices, coach’s offices, or players homes. The road takes them away from their own home and hearth for extended periods of time. I’m not excusing cheating on wives whatsoever, but with all the travel they do, it’s a wonder the divorce count for college coaches isn’t higher. They’d have to be purdy grounded to stay true, and we know it’s not always in their DNA to be truthful and above the fray.

I think the best thing you can do for coach dude is pray for him, his family, his players, his team. You don’t know the circumstances, and even if you think you do, you really don’t.

So, with that I say make sure your son keeps his character in tact by his own parents’ example of showing grace and not caving in to the latest gossip. You never know when the cleat could be on the other foot.

Dear Football Mom,

Our son has a mild form of autism, but is highly functional, and is going to be in middle school next year. He loves football and has played the last two years on a county league’s football team. He’s done quite well, played defense, and his teammates have been great to him. He wants to play on the school league next year. I’ve checked with the school board, county administrators, the principal of the school, and the coach. They have all approved his/our request, but just got a letter from the school board stating that they will have to rescind our request. What can we do to fight this?

Dear Football Mom,

First, I’d like to congratulate your son for being such a great football player and taking a chance on being part of his peewee county team the last two years. I’d also like to applaud him for wanting to play in middle school next year. If only some of the kids who do play had your child’s heart for the game.

Second, sounds to me like someone on the school board got cold feet. They may have consulted a lawyer and now don’t want to chance the risk of injury to your son or take on the liability.

Third, I would research some other cases of children who have played the game with some sort of special qualities. (Not fond of other words used to describe children with gifts beyond our imaginations!) Geeish. Then, you may have to hire a lawyer yourselves to approach the board and reopen your son’s case with fresh eyes.

There have been a couple of high school players who’ve played blind. Other kids with different special gifts, and some without certain body parts, have all played football. It’s quite amazing.

What an awesome son you have. We are pulling for you and now, so will those who read this column.

Mama Between a Rock and a Hard Place

October 10, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

My son is what they call a true freshman. (I’m new to this college lingo as a single mom with two other middle school children, girls.) He is three states away from home, and I haven’t been to a game all season. He doesn’t start, but he does rotate in and out. I’m finding it hard to save enough money, working two jobs just to pay the bills. Since you make sure all is confidential, we do receive some government assistance, and I still have a hard time buying groceries. Get the picture? I’d love to see him play just one game. Am I really missing out enough to skip paying an electric bill, or rent, and miss work too? Do you have any other suggestions that would help me get to see my boy play?

Dear Reader,

You couldn’t have asked a more genuine, prickly question that pulls on my heartstrings like the struggle for single moms doing all they can to see their kids play college sports. This one issue tears me up like a box of shredded tissues. I wish I had some better answers or suggestions that would really help. This time, I may come up empty-handed, even though there is always hope.

I’m assuming y’all were expecting your son to be redshirted (meaning his freshman year he’d sit out), and that would have given you a better chance to save up. Usually, redshirting players is what coaches do to give new recruits a chance to learn the program, adjust to college life, and settle in. But many times, the program is in need of young players, so they become true freshman and actually clock time playing. True freshman status can be quite the honor and something to be very proud of.

While parents are proud as a pot roast done to perfection in seeing their kids receive college scholarships, attending the games can bring a whole different roast to the table—burnt crisp, tough to carve, and hard to chew. Once our sons sign letters-of-intent to play for University Go Team, the real slicing for parents begins—how to get to the doggone games and watch them play without cracking a bank safe. Unless a body has been through the trial and expense of attending games, it’s tricky to understand the hardships put on families.

On one hand, the regular what I call “the bleacher-fan,” assumes there should be no problem. These parents don’t have to pay tuition like the rest of us, so what’s their beef? But what these folks don’t realize, especially for those parents whose kids play far away from home, it takes money for transportation, hotel, and food to travel out of state. And that adds up in a flash. On the other hand, those of us who are what I call “the family-fan,” realize the majority of collegiate athletes come from down-home, everyday people who don’t have gracious plenty to blow on trips to see their kids play.

The rich boosters with their multi-million-dollar RVs, box-seat season tickets, and club passes, find it puzzling that these parents would dare to complain. I don’t believe it’s complaining as much as it is troubling, expensive, or just plain hard to get to these games for most parents.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about financial success. It’s like most things in life: unless you’ve walked in another person’s footprints, you have a hard time understanding.

Reason I bring up the bucks and boosters is that I do wish college booster clubs would begin to see the need for funding a deserving parent who doesn’t have the means to see their son play. Just one family per season would be great. Imagine the goodwill this would generate.

I know this type of funding is a sticky situation with the NCAA, and I’m certainly not advocating doing anything underhanded, but the boosters could afford it … and make it happen if they’d have a mind to. Maybe y’all could appoint a group of folks to create a board for the purpose of, The Scholarship for Travel Parents’. Set up guidelines, regulations, and getter done. Call the NCAA first and ask if there could be a way to work it out. Stress that these would be parents whose sons have already signed. I know comping anyone while recruiting is death to a program.

My wish to help may not come true, but then again, maybe it will. I’ve had several parents and people who would like to help ask similar questions in the past. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could solve this issue for good?

To answer your question, yes you are missing out. But maybe he’ll start next year. Then it would really be a shame if you couldn’t attend at least one game. Start saving those pennies now.

Not usually a fan of go-fund-me accounts for frivolous issues such as starting a business, going to Tahiti, or even missions. I believe they are way over-used and abused. In this case, I’d say go for it. State your case. You never know.

Time Out! Flag on the Play

When the Going Gets Tough, Will You Get Going?

How to Be a True Leader—On and Off the Field

Pray for Your Coaches—Even When It’s Tough

Mama Between a Rock and a Hard Place

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