Candy A. Westbrook

When Christmas Brings Conflict

December 17, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

Why is my son so bent on working out during Christmas break instead of going to Colorado with his family skiing? Granted, he’ll be a senior next year and is working hard for a college football scholarship, but enough already. He wants to stay with his buddy’s family, as his friend’s dad owns several fitness centers, and they can work out together over the break. I’m a little upset with his buddy’s parents too, because I think they should have encouraged our son to go with us instead of offering for him to stay with them.

What say you?

Dear Reader,

This is a new one on me. What kid gives up Colorado skiing for working out?

Y’all do know my hair frizzes straight up each time I receive one of these read-between-the-lines psychological questions, sure enough, as if I stuck a finger in a Christmas light bulb socket with it turned on. I can see ol’ Clark Griswold, now. Y’all know I don’t claim to be that bright, but we’ll giver ’er a try.

My first thought actually has nothing to do with working out. Yes, you are right. For high schoolers, unless they are in a late state playoff after Christmas, they should be able to take a few days off during the holidays. Notice I said days, not weeks.

I suppose something could be brewing behind that snowman … and it’s not hot chocolate. It usually comes down to a girl in the mix somewhere. Then again, maybe he is just that serious about working toward a scholarship and has a valid fear of getting hurt on the slopes. Maybe your son is wise beyond his years. Injuries can spoil chances of saddling-up with scholarship offers, not to mention they hurt like the dickens.
If this is a new tradition for your family, my guess is he just doesn’t want change at Christmastime. Or—and this is a big OR—that purty little gal is pulling on his heartstrings to stay behind. He could be torn between spending time with her, or traveling with his family and then feeling like the Grinch. Oh, the G-force those gals have on our sons’ when their heads turn and their hearts go pitter-patter over a girl. Why, it’s downright frightening for mamas. Since his senior year is around the corner and time is short, he could be thinking he’d better take advantage of the time they have—if he’s even thinking that far in advance. Lots of maybe’s here, but like I said … reading between the lines.

The other thing that comes to mind and it chills me like icicles to be this honest, but maybe your son enjoys his friend’s family for various reasons instead of spending spare time with his own family. Does it feel like sand paper rubbing friction when all of you are together? Do you and you husband argue? Is chaos lurking behind every family gathering? Do tempers fly? Is alcohol a problem with adults? I know these are very personal questions. Please keep in mind I don’t want to know the answers. The questions are only there for you to mull over and consider, is all.

And by the way, there are no Norman Rockwell families out there. Even if you think his buddy’s family has it together, I tend to doubt its peaches and cream all the time. Put another log on that picture-perfect fire please, and hang those stocking with care.

Have an old fashion heart-to-heart talk with your son. Be honest with him. Tell him this stung a smidge and pricked your heart. If you are honest with him, I’m almost sure he’ll be honest with you. I believe your family just might huddle closer once your hearts open and y’all clear the air. Keep your cool no matter what he says. Give him the opportunity to share his feelings without jumping into soot from the fireplace.

Remember in the end, you are the parent—he is still the child. And too, since you are the parent, it’s a good idea for him to listen to you and do what you ask. In all seriousness, he has to obey your wishes, regardless of how he feels.

Christmas Day will come no matter how you celebrate it. Just make sure your son knows how much you love him, no matter where he spends the day.

Dear Football Mom,

Is cheerleading a sport? I know you usually answer football questions, but thought I’d try to get your input here. My daughter is going to cheer next year for football at a Division-I college, and yet they don’t offer scholarships for cheerleaders. Something is wrong with that.

Dear Reader,

I have to agree. College cheerleaders should be awarded full scholarships, period.

Depending on the school, some do give monies for room and board, books, or compensate the difference for out-of-state tuition. But generally, not all of the tuition. Not all of it, at all. Usually one or two expenses and that’s it. Partial scholarships do exist, as well as other scholarships such as academic and the like. They all apply. But a full-fledged cheerleader scholarship, like football scholarships have yet to be common practice, though it should be.

Cheerleaders matter. They matter a lot. Truthfully, I’d like to see a team win without them.

When football players try to get a crowd pumped up during a game, it’s a sign of weakness and desperation. I actually want to whup-upside the head some football-playing boys when I see them fellers turn into cheerleaders on the field. Good golly, guys, keep your heads in the game, Buck-a-roos. The cheers will come when you play tough and nail your assignments. Let the cheerleaders do their job and you do yours!
Cheerleaders matter. Yes, they flat-out matter. Is cheerleading a sport? It should be.

Time Out! Flag on the Play

December 5, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Readers,

Stop the Pass! Holding. Offsides. False start. Forgive this Football Mama, please!

In my last column, I recommended the book, Never Shut Up by Marcellus Wiley. Do not buy this book. There should be no excuse for this, and sadly, I did put this rotten game plan together. I usually try to read books before suggesting them, but in my rush to get information to the broken-ankle family, I goofed. The ball dropped, and I blew it. I hadn’t quite started reading said book before I suggested it in print. Suggested it in the column, no less, for every fan to see. Oh, now that’s what I call, backfield in motion. I know, an old school penalty. Still, a penalty I regret. Go ahead, move the chains back.

In an effort to suggest a new book—instead of going to the oldies and based on the reviews I’d read—I ordered this 2018 release. I try to keep up with the latest football or sports books. But—big BUT here—as I started to read it last week, I was so disappointed to see the expletives that really aren’t necessary to get a point across. I was bummed that the author used such vile language, not just once in a while, but all the while. Mostly every paragraph. Maybe even every sentence. I would never recommend such a book, even though I most certainly did in that column. But now, I reserve the right to intentionally ground it. I’ll take the lost yardage.

As the heart behind the gridiron, I try very hard not only to give the best advice possible, but also to endorse reading material and/or films that bring home quality messages, which contain gripping stories, or hold locker room keys of encouragement, told in a family-friendly way.

Full disclosure: I do not have wings attached to my back or a halo encircling my head. I’ve been known to let those tainted varmints scoot off my tongue a time or two myself. Tisk, tisk, I might be on the naughty list. However, I try very hard not to write such vulgar language in print. If a body has to write poison-polluted language every now and then, I give it a pass. To pen that nasty trash in every paragraph … no, no, no. I have to ask myself, are these folks really writers or authors if they have to use such cheap, tasteless chatter that often?

Bottom line: anything from Tony Dungy Uncommon, Finding Your Path to Significance would be my first choice for most anyone. Then again, Quiet Strength was fantastic. I tend to tip toward the true triumphal stories, and not just in football. Most anything inspirational or encouraging is generally going to grip my brain and retain my attention. I will say the fiction book by author and former NFL star Tim Green, Unstoppable, is on my pile. It’s recommended for middle school through high school, and I’m about to open those pages. I just might become a fast fiction fan of this author. Again, fair warning—haven’t started reading it, yet.

Since we’ve got that game plan in place, please let me know of your favorite football or sports books. I look forward to your suggestions and comments. Hopefully, we won’t have to go behind the field house again to correct my mistakes and make adjustments.

Dear Football Mom,

We are in the state playoffs, but this is our son’s senior year, and he’s not had any offers from colleges for a scholarship. We’ve talked to the head coach lately, and we both feel he’s not interested in helping with recruitment. We are at our wits end. What should we do?

Dear Reader,

Hang on. And by all means, remain in the present and enjoy this awesome privilege being in the state playoffs. A well-fought honor, no doubt. Lap up this success like a big ol’ dog slurping water out of its bowl. This time right here will evaporate in a heartbeat to a treasured, past memory, and you don’t want to miss a thing. You will come to regret it if you look past this moment in time.

For cooperation with your coach on helping your son receive a college scholarship … well, the worst, very worst, thing you can do right now is bug the tar out of him while he’s trying to get his team ready, and prepare for this big game. Back off. For the moment, at least.

That said, I have to commend you on your proactive stance and effort to help your son receive a scholarship. Sometimes it takes being there at just the right time and seizing the opportunity in front of your face. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but your son has time.

His team is going to state playoffs, what an opportunity right there. There are sure to be tons of college recruiters sitting on both sides of the field. The best thing y’all can do is get your son ready for this game—mentally and physically. If he does that for his team, he’ll impress somebody the night of the game. Film it.

Oh, and by the way, during his breaks at school this week, instead of hanging out in the halls with that purty little gal that makes his heart go pitter-patter, he should be in the video room scoping out his competition and how he’s going to nail that bad boy’s tail to the ground. Focus. On. What’s. In. Front. Of. You.

When the Going Gets Tough, Will You Get Going?

November 26, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

How do you help your son cope when he was carried off the field on a stretcher during the game playoffs last Friday night? He’s in the hospital with a broken ankle and will have surgery soon. He is so angry that he won’t be able to play for the region championship. He’s a wide receiver and has broken several school records this season. We are not a religious family, but I’ve read that you are. Would you pray for us? I’m afraid of what this is doing to his usual positive personality.

Dear Reader,

Oh, my stars, I am so sorry y’all are going through this trial. The truth is I’ve been in your shoes, and I know how hard it is, scary even, to see your child in pain and facing surgery. As moms, we are sometimes at a loss of how to help our children through this kind of adversity without becoming uptight, anxious, and full-blown frantic ourselves. Of course, I’ll pray for y’all, and all the other boys of fall who have taken a hit this year. As much fun as football is, it’s never fun to get laid up with injuries. But injuries don’t have to stop a player’s determination. In fact, it will reveal it.

Once rehab kicks in, it will be totally up to him as to his recovery. How determined will his willpower be in working through the pain? This is when the winner or whiner in him will come out. It is true. I tell you no lie. But as a mom of faith, I can tell you that leaning on the Lord is the best medicine, rehab, or recovery plan available.

That said, my best suggestion would be to start a game plan now. It is never good for an active athlete to while away the hours and get all bubble-headed. While he recovers from surgery, I would recommend reading a couple of books that might shine a light and help him through the downtime. You may even want to read out loud to him in the hospital. You’d be surprised how effective that is to get his mind off himself and that doggone injury.

My picks for reading are Never Shut Up by Marcellus Wiley or Shaken by Tim Tebow. Once home, your whole family may enjoy films like, My All American. That film would be my first choice. It’s an awesome story about a player who never gave up for the Texas Longhorns and head coach legend, Darrell Royal. It could bring a tear—it is a true story. He might also enjoy Touchback, another great story, but he may not appreciate the significance of the film until later. Of course, good ole Rudy, and Facing the Giants is really good too, it starts off slow, but you’ll be drawn in, in more ways than one.

Keeping a timely curfew and getting plenty of rest and h2o (water) is huge. No goofing off and being stupid. He’ll be behind with schoolwork anyhow, so keeping a regimen and a schedule is always a good idea. Keep any doctor appointments.

Make sure he eats healthy—green veggies, real food, meat, fish, and milk. And keep that boy off his foot as much as possible. In other words … no cape flying, no Superman stunts! Stay on the crutches when mobile, no weight bearing for a few weeks. Listen to the doc and after release—rehab, rehab, rehab.

I have no doubt this trial will turn for good at some point for your family, and y’all will come out even stronger than you ever thought possible. So will your son.

Dear Football Mom,

Our son wants to give up football after being benched most of the year. He has potential but no confidence. Next year he’ll be a sophomore in high school. It is the only sport he plays, and he really does love it. What can we do to increase his confidence?

Dear Reader,

What if Babe Ruth pulled out and didn’t show up after 1,330 strikeouts? What if Peyton Manning—who once had a speech impediment and was born with cleft palate—quit the position of quarterback, afraid to call the plays or counts because he wouldn’t be understood? What if Michael Jordon quit basketball after failing to make his high school basketball team as a sophomore.

These were all ordinary people who hung in, stuck to it, and came out on top with extraordinary results because they failed to give up. Of course, my stance has always been that it is more harmful to force kids to play. Football players have to want to play the game and make up their own minds to do so. However, not playing could put his confidence meter in a corner for a very long time.

Small success lead to bigger success, but ya gotta put yourself out there. Maybe he is great at math or loves science. Or, can run fast. The point is, find something that he likes, is good at and build on that. Small encouragement matters.

As for the confidence of your son, the little imp lie of “the comparison trap” might be more at play than you think. But hey, honestly, if he was a freshman on a varsity team, that’s purdy awesome right there, even if he did warm the bench. He still practiced, worked out, and helped his team, perhaps more than he knows.

Besides, you can learn a lot from the bench. But ya gotta pay attention. Take full advantage of the bench view, watch the game, the coaches, mark down mental notes, then who knows … he could be the guy with the red nose who’s called upon because of his rare talent—and leads his team to victory.

How to Be a True Leader—On and Off the Field

November 5, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

There is a chance we could be in the state playoffs for the first time in school history. My son is one of the senior captains. Several football players on our team are more basketball players than football players, and basketball is their chosen sport. They are great athletics, valuable to our football team, and have contributed enormously to our winning season. Basketball practice has already started at our school. Our son is sensing an unrest or an uneasiness with these players wanting to get done with football to move on to basketball. That would hurt our chances for state. How does he lead his team and encourage these players who are itching to get on with basketball to hang in through the playoffs?

Dear Reader,

Wow. Great question! How cool is that, to line up in football for a chance to birth a state championship. Congratulations to your son, his team, and his high school on a winning season.

So, what we have here are a few sweet football fellas who have ants in their pants to quit football and hook up with basketball. Sounds like a girlfriend dumping the boyfriend to go with another guy. We call this fickle, bubble-headed, or wobbly. This is tough because if you can’t be all in, especially playing football, you really should be all out.

To be clear, I am a fan of basketball too. So please keep the hate mail to a minimum. Not putting basketball down a-tall. Just promoting sticking with what a body started, committed to, and staying consistent, is all. Some might call it being a man of your word. Others, reliable.

Your son may have to have one of them heart-to-heart talks with the basketball players. Either they want to make football history for the school … or they don’t. It really is that simple. What these boys need is fire in the belly, not fire ants in their pants.

I imagine coach is well aware of this tiny infraction and will do all he can to bring any breach to a successful close one way or the other. But your son and his teammates hold a lot of weight on the team. They may be the only ones who really know what buttons to push to help them fellas choose the higher calling. After all, one day this entire team will graduate, maybe graduate college, and get on with their lives. Do they really want to go down in history as quitters, when they can choose to be part of a team that broke school records? Surely not.

No doubt, a lot of hard work went into this team since last summer, last season, and possibly beyond that. Countless hours of workouts, practice, teamwork, and the coaches strategic game plans. Winning seasons don’t just happen. Do the basketballers really want to chunk it all now?

Honestly, I haven’t a clue on how to help, but your son with his crew will figure out how to spike the ball and stop the clock. What it comes to for them basketball boys, will they seize the day and take the challenge out front. Basketball isn’t dribbling away—it will still be there once football ends.

This possible high school state championship is but a moment in time, a once in a lifetime opportunity. He may remind them just how special and rare championship teams are. The chance of participating on any other sports-related championship team becomes a roll of the dice. It can come down to now or never.

Remember, what you do today will determine how well your tomorrow shines.

Dear Football Mom,

When your own team boos your son, how do you respond to that? My son is a good player. But in the region playoffs, minutes before the fourth quarter ended, he dropped the ball. Yes, fumbled it on the twelve-yard line. Then it was picked up by the other team, and they ran for a touchdown. Time was up. The game was over. We lost.

Dear Reader,

What I can tell you is this, the “boos” were probably for the other team picking it up and running all the way for a touchdown. This does happen, and the sting of it lasts for a while. The booing can even last for what seems like an eternity, and even our sons’ names or numbers are chanted out—and not in a good way. The mudslinging can get downright nasty.

Sometimes, like it or not, our sons may deserve it. Most football players at every level blows-it now and then. Heck, I’ve yelled at my own sons before and I’ve blown it myself a time or two. But I know, it tough sitting in the stands hearing the chatter. Still, it’s how we respond that helps us keep our cool.
Pluck the feathers out from under your skin—you are not a chicken. Football Moms … we have to grow some Teflon skin and wipe it off. Usually, some good ole fashion grit will do just fine for that.

Pray for Your Coaches—Even When It’s Tough

October 30, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

My husband’s work takes him out of town most weeks. This summer, he was in another city eating dinner in the hotel restaurant when he saw our son’s position coach. The coach was with a woman, not his wife. My husband saw this coach from a distance, however, and I thought he could be mistaken. Now, we are hearing rumors. Our son plays college ball, so this was a college coach. I want to call the athletic director, but my husband said, “no way.” What should I do? I’m disappointed in this coach and outraged, to put it mildly. Aren’t these college coaches supposed to set good examples on and off the field? If I could just get a hold of him, I’d give him an earful.

Dear Football Mom,

As much as you’d like to take this coach dude behind a woodshed and pound some moral decency into his brain—don’t. Listen to your husband on this one. I hate to tell you, but trying to beat some morality in him would only hurt your son. And hey, honestly, it wouldn’t take anyhow. Here is where cool heads prevail over heated fussing-outs.

What if, for instance, it was someone who looked like the coach and was actually a case of mistaken identity. It could have been someone else. Even though rumors fly quicker than a 747 jet, you never know for sure. Perhaps a sister or cousin? I’m giving this guy all the benefit of the doubt I can. I know, that’s rare for me, but here is why.

College coaches are continually on the trail looking to field their teams with talent for the next upcoming year. Especially true for the assistants, meaning the position coaches are almost always traveling somewhere every Friday night during season. When Friday lights dim, they are visiting high school spring practices, coach’s offices, or players homes. The road takes them away from their own home and hearth for extended periods of time. I’m not excusing cheating on wives whatsoever, but with all the travel they do, it’s a wonder the divorce count for college coaches isn’t higher. They’d have to be purdy grounded to stay true, and we know it’s not always in their DNA to be truthful and above the fray.

I think the best thing you can do for coach dude is pray for him, his family, his players, his team. You don’t know the circumstances, and even if you think you do, you really don’t.

So, with that I say make sure your son keeps his character in tact by his own parents’ example of showing grace and not caving in to the latest gossip. You never know when the cleat could be on the other foot.

Dear Football Mom,

Our son has a mild form of autism, but is highly functional, and is going to be in middle school next year. He loves football and has played the last two years on a county league’s football team. He’s done quite well, played defense, and his teammates have been great to him. He wants to play on the school league next year. I’ve checked with the school board, county administrators, the principal of the school, and the coach. They have all approved his/our request, but just got a letter from the school board stating that they will have to rescind our request. What can we do to fight this?

Dear Football Mom,

First, I’d like to congratulate your son for being such a great football player and taking a chance on being part of his peewee county team the last two years. I’d also like to applaud him for wanting to play in middle school next year. If only some of the kids who do play had your child’s heart for the game.

Second, sounds to me like someone on the school board got cold feet. They may have consulted a lawyer and now don’t want to chance the risk of injury to your son or take on the liability.

Third, I would research some other cases of children who have played the game with some sort of special qualities. (Not fond of other words used to describe children with gifts beyond our imaginations!) Geeish. Then, you may have to hire a lawyer yourselves to approach the board and reopen your son’s case with fresh eyes.

There have been a couple of high school players who’ve played blind. Other kids with different special gifts, and some without certain body parts, have all played football. It’s quite amazing.

What an awesome son you have. We are pulling for you and now, so will those who read this column.

When Christmas Brings Conflict

Time Out! Flag on the Play

When the Going Gets Tough, Will You Get Going?

How to Be a True Leader—On and Off the Field

Pray for Your Coaches—Even When It’s Tough

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