Candy A. Westbrook

Candy A. Westbrook - Author, Columnist, Speaker, Football Mom

"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus … who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJ).
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Gimme A Break, Gimme A Break

February 24, 2020 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

Our son will graduate this spring and signed to play college football on National Signing Day. We are thrilled! His dad thinks he needs to continue to work out and run. I think he should take a break because he’s been working out for at least four years through high school. I do know it will be more strenuous in college but I feel enough already, let the kid have a break before heading out our door next year. What is your take on this? Should he keep working out or take a break before he reports to the college campus next fall?

Dear Reader,

How do I get myself smack-dab in the muddling mess of arguments between moms and dads? Do y’all really want me to take sides? You should read some of my email when questions are thrown at me like mortar squeezed out of tubes. It is then—I end up getting stuck right in the middle of the mud hole! You reckon I should know better by now.

Congratulations to y’all and your son. Get ready for some exciting days ahead of being true to your school like you would to your girl!! Fun times ahead for you and family. Soak up every minute because it will be over before you can say, “hut, hike.”

Yes, of course he still needs to work out. And for the record, I’m not taking your husband’s side. Even though your son signed and is headed for the college football team, he still needs to get stronger and faster before he shows up on campus. Without a doubt, those college puppies need all the preparation they can muster, and freshman report a week or two earlier than the upper classmen do. You wouldn’t want that feller of yours in dire straits throwing up at the first Oklahoma drill, would you?

Did he, himself want to take time off? If so, he will be in for a rude awakening once on campus. Most folks have no idea what’s ahead. Right now, when the stadium is quiet and the fans are home, most believe its off-season for the college player. Ha! Once Christmas break is over and those players report back to campus, they are killin’ themselves with what college coaches call mat drills. There is no such a thing as off-season for most athletes who are serious about their sport.

The players are required to pull themselves out of bed at 4 a.m. and report to the gym. They are given several special “stations” in which to drain themselves of any pride, accomplishments, or past rewards. This is the humbling effect. And the coaches thrive on seeing how low they can drive these young men. Did I really say men? They will turn them fellers into men come heck or high water. By cracky, you can count on it.

These drills are different on the various college campuses, but the psyche behind them is the same. Bring a team together, make the word teamwork come alive, and drive mental discipline to be front and center … provided the players don’t keel over first. On some accounts, these drills are worse than two-a-days in spring. Running bleachers is only part of the regime, but have you ever run bleachers? Yeah, I would say a boy better be in shape and have he’s head screwed on straight. By that, I mean his mental toughness had better be intact. No whiners allowed.

It will be almost a full year before your son experiences this routine, but there is that little thing called preseason camp that will require him to bust his hump in just a few short months. So, what’s ya think, mama? Should he work out in the weight room and run? Hmmm …

   

Filed Under: college coaches, football, Football Mom Column, football players, football season, high school football, senior year, sons

Where There’s A Will

February 19, 2020 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

I’m a single mom, and this week I nearly lost it. I’m a wreck. My son doesn’t have one scholarship offer. Signing day is just weeks away. What do we do? How can I help my son, who has worked so hard throughout his high school years, to achieve a college football scholarship? Without financial help, I’m not sure he can attend college. I’m desperate. I’m not too proud to ask for help. Do you have any connections, any tricks in your bag, any tips to help us?

Dear Reader,

Oh dear, don’t fall apart. I’ve been in your shoes, and I know the panic button is at defcon two! Believe it or not, there is still time. Together, let’s see if we can bring this to a successful finish. But I will tell you this: no tricks, no bag, and no tips here. Maybe suggestions, but the tips I leave for those with PhDs.   

Yes, you are right, the 2020 college signing day is February 5, and it’s coming like a rocket blast. Straight up though, I will tell you many players sign after signing day. So, don’t get flustered or go having a hissy fit. Let’s take it one-step at a time, and I hope this game plan of action might ease your worries right onto your son signing with his dream team. Keep in mind, sometimes you have to take the scenic route.

Have you talked to his high school coach? Try getting in touch with him immediately, and have an honest heart to heart about where your son might fit in with a college team. There could be a program that hasn’t known of your son and he’d fit in perfectly. He could be the answer they’re looking for. You never know if you don’t ask.

Make sure you have what you need at the drop of a hat, so you are equipped and loaded with the correct information, ready to send it lickety split to any coach asking for it. Or to take with you to any meetings you might set up … all the better. Things like highlight film, a copy of your son’s grades obtained from his high school’s counselor’s office. And, while you’re at it, get numerous copies. Maybe even his stats. These are topics you should cover in your conversation with his coach.

If any recruiters have called your home or sent emails or snail mail, call them now, pronto. Ask to speak to the recruiter for your area. Or, if you have the name of the coaches who did call, ask to speak to them directly. Also, engage them in conversation. Don’t show your desperation, but do let them know your concerns for your son if all opportunities with their program are closed. Then and only then—when the door is closed—ask about walking on and what their policy might be for new players who do just that. Remember, walking on could be an option. He could work his way to a scholarship next year with said team. But he will have to work and prove he deserves at least a fraction of the financial aid.

When you are talking to these coaches, ask them if they know of other coaches who might be looking for the talent/position of your son. By that, I mean to tell you, they all know each other. They, college coaches, are all jocking for a one up with each other. But on occasion, you’ll find a kind generous coach willing to go the distance and help. It never hurts to ask for a reference, and then go right ahead and ask them if they might be inclined to give them a call on your behalf. Make sure you write down who they said and their contact information.

For a coach to contact another coach in the interest of your son gives you leverage and a heads-up to the coach you are about to call. It sets a positive stage. You have to be a tad bold. I know, it can be intimidating in the all-male world of college football, but as I’ve always said, “You never G-E-T till you A-S-K.” And honey, you gotta ask away.

Also, contact any junior colleges in your area with a football program. Nothing wrong with starting at a junior college and transferring once his viability goes up.

Another thing to keep in mind, some states offer government funded money (grants) for academic achievements such as an average GPA of 3.00. Then again, if your son has an average 4.00, he’ll easily qualify for academic scholarships. Then, walking on should be a walk in the park. It’d be a good idea to check with his counselor’s office to find out more about these opportunities, anyway. Academic scholarships or any other county/community grants will allow y’all some time without you forking over tuition fees for the first semester. It’s worth checking out.

If all else fails and there truly isn’t a place—a program for him to land—please reach out to me again. Not that I can do a thing, or wave a magic wand, but I’m pulling for you, and I do give a hoot.       

You don’t want to hear this—oh, you really don’t—but he could stay home the first semester, and get a job, save his money. But make sure he keeps a regime of working out somewhere. He might ask his coach if he can use the weight room, but he’ll also need someone to spot him. Maybe investing in a six-month gym membership might not be a bad idea. He doesn’t need to lose ground, and he needs to be ready to tackle the college field possibly next semester. You never know he could get a chance to walk on somewhere in the spring. It’s not what y’all want to have to do, but it is a solid plan.

I’m a strong believer in where there’s a will—there’s a way. When you work hard, put God first, and stay at it … good things do happen! 


Dear Football Mom,

With the Super Bowl on everyone’s schedule, I’ve read sport reports of NFL players having service dogs on the sidelines to sooth their nerves. What do you think about that?

Dear Reader,

I think those NFL-ers need to go and open a dog pound. Bless their hearts.

Filed Under: college coaches, college football recruiting, college recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football players, football season, football signing day, senior year, sons, Super Bowl

For Love of the Game

January 16, 2020 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

Can you tell me why the college players bust their tails to make it to playoff games? I did some looking and found they don’t get paid the big bucks like the pros do. In fact, they don’t get paid at all. What they do get is a ring they can wear and a trophy that goes to their school and yeah, bragging rights that only last until next year. Why would anybody in their right mind (and these players are still kids, mind you) break all sorts of bones, put their bodies through torture, sustain injury after injury (which can affect them the rest of their lives) just to have a shot at the National Championship? That is pure crazy!

Dear Reader,

Crazy or not, this is the stuff kids playing college football dream of. My sweet darlings, life itself is chance—why not, make it significate? I mean, if ya gonna break something, like records or bones, then by golly, make it count!

I almost passed on this question. I thought you were joking. Then I realized if you feel this way and you are reading my column, then by garsh darn, I have an obligation to answer, and maybe you’re not joking. Our column has a wide range of readers and not all are football fans, but most all are parents. Maybe there are others who have these same questions and feel the way you do.

If I had to guess, you are probably an E.R. nurse or perhaps in the healthcare field in some capacity and have treated your fair share of football-related injuries. Maybe you are a mom of an injured player. Either way, surely you cannot be, must have never been, a football fan. But since I have encouraged y’all to ask me anything, it’s only right that I tackle this question best I can.

There is an intangible element to this football gig thang. It’s in the heart of every player who gives a rip about his team, and I’m not so sure it can be fully explained. I think it must be something like our military men and women have deep within their souls. To be part of something larger than yourself requires selfless acts of sacrifice, tireless hours of commitment, and of course, the never-ending exhaustion of determination, and that’s what football players do. They sacrifice themselves for their teams.

Thinking little or nothing of yourself leads to great and powerful stuff when applied with an unshaken, outrageous confidence football related or not. Not a cocky attitude, but a quiet grace. Just like our troops going into battle for our country with an orchestrated plan of attack and poise.

Some will argue that it is the historical tradition of certain colleges that drives players to greatness and winning seasons. Or that new head coach just hired has all the marbles lined up just right. But trust me, it goes so much deeper than that.

Put all the blabbing, the cheering, the pompous bloviating of the faithful fans and boosters together, and a body can even throw money at a program to boot. Add it all together, it still wouldn’t define or give players that intangible desire to compete regardless of the price they pay on the wear and tear of their bodies. They ignore pain and push beyond any ordinary limits. And that right there, produces extraordinary accomplishments. But of course, it goes further than that.

They bust their tails because they don’t get paid. College players do it purely because of their love for the game. The intangible, which clearly can’t be fully defined, defines the rise of those who play like legends! 

     

Filed Under: braggin' rights, football, Football Mom Column, football players, sons

Kicking Off the New Year

January 7, 2020 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

Our son already made his commitment to a division one college, but I am wondering if he should renege and back out of that verbal agreement to instead, accept an offer from a college in the state of California. Maybe he can earn some money since they’ve passed the pay to play. A school from that state made him an offer earlier in the year. Do you think he should reconnect with them and tell them he’d like to take them up on their scholarship offer? It would mean we’d have to travel a distance to see his home games, but maybe it’s worth it for him to gain a little money and add to his savings.

Dear Reader,

And this right here, is the very reason I am against the “pay to play” ruling. Of course, Florida is looking to pass this law soon too. It’s so wrong on so many levels. I am usually not quite that blunt (well, then again, maybe I am), but boy howdy, this deal, the pay to play, is like a grasshopper jumping under your blue-jeans with no way to scoot the varmint out without showing a body’s backside!

I hope like heck most of y’all haven’t thought a double-minded, Mickey-Mouse, willy-nilly maneuvering technique to your children in how they handle business dealings, regardless if they play a sport or not. No offense to Mickey Mouse—my littles and some of the older grands adore him and Minnie. But come on.

The first thing you should be aware of as a parent is to never weasel out of your word. If your son gave his word to the other college, then by cracky, he should stick to it and keep it. Period. At least barring anything catastrophic like a coaching change, that is. The second thing you should be aware of about this pay to play in California is that the ruling has not yet gone into action. Your son may graduate before it does. 

Quite frankly, I’m hoping the NCAA will find a way to pull it back. Do you understand that even if it was in play, your son may never get some huge endorsement from a commercial company? He may never reap the so-called benefit of suiting-up at some college where the pay to play is actually at play.

And for the record, he is earning money! He’s receiving a free education. He will graduate without college debt, and that is huge. Hopefully, that is his main goal, to walk away with a degree in hand. Meals, books, lodging, tuition, even tutoring is free for the student athlete. He’s already ahead of the game that most college students face. Good heavens, what more could you ask for.   


Dear Football Mom,

I don’t understand the rankings of college football. Why are some teams ranked in the top five while others with the same record are ranked lower? For example, why is Clemson ranked three when they are just as undefeated as Ohio State or LSU? What gives?

Dear Reader,

Great question! That would take an act of congress for me to splain it all and quite honestly, I’m not sure I’d be on point with the correct answer. But you got me on this one, and I can’t resist a challenge, so reckon I’m gonna take a stab at it.

There is a little committee that thrives on “guesses” and “misses” made up of head football coaches—yeah, like they can be fair and unbiased. Sure, they are. Along with other experts like media geniuses and then, perhaps there are the PhDs of Popular Football Mechanics who make up this board of pals. Giving it their best shot, they submit a list each week ignoring TV contracts and stockholders, or deep-pocketed influential boosters, past traditions, and popular opinions of social status stars to vote on rankings. (My sass is showing through.)

Supposedly, the rankings are based on who said team Tee’s up to play, how much they ran up the score, and how tough the team was that got the shocking splattering. That’s the short version anyhow.

Cheer up my fair football fans, no head coach on the planet cares a gnat’s behind about these rankings. Or gives any weight to the top 25 in front of their players, fans, and boosters. It’s psychological, messing with players’ and coaches’ heads and scheming to get programs to question their viability, causing useless dustups between conferences. Most coaches pay no mind and discount the rankings, especially if they aren’t on the list. It’s also political in football terms and a sore spot with athletic directors. The rub here is that most sportscasters make fun and joke about how off the mark these rankings are. And they usually are. Way off the mark. Clemson is a great example of that. They have earned the right to at least a number two spot.

This team of scallywags can never predict the heart of a team. Or the strength and power of the will to win. They are there to take up newspaper print, make some poor old coach about to retire feel important, gain favor with sportscasters so they’ll talk highly about their program, and give lip service to TV contracts.   

Take heart my football fans—it’s just useless noise.

Filed Under: college football recruiting, college recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football players, Pay to Play, senior year, sons, Wisdom

When the Road Gets Rough: Tough Love for Some Football Parents

December 12, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

So, our son got caught smoking pot behind the gym at school two weeks ago. He and his buddies (not football players) have been expelled and put on probation by the juvenile court judge in our county. I have mixed emotions, from heartbreak to raging mad, at this system of so-called, justice! He is only 17 and he’s one of the stars on the football team going into state championship playoffs. Coach kicked him off the team, and now he won’t be able to play in any championship games. It’s his senior year and could be the last time he ever gets to play. We’ve pleaded with the coach until we’re blue in the face. We paid the fine, we took the punishment, he’s doing community service, but what about second chances? What can we do?

Dear Reader,

Sounds to me like not a dad-blame thing. The shoulda coulda woulda act is in play here. As his parents, what do you think y’all should have, or could have, or would have done before this behavior became the nightmare before playoffs? Maybe cracking down on your son once you saw him wiggling out of accountability. I suspect he and his merry men have done this pot smoking before. I love your comment, “… mad at the system.” What about being mad at the reason for the season failure—your son? 

I’m sorry, but your son as a senior, shoulda been a leader and known better than to try such a stunt on school property—or anybody’s property as far as that goes. That is, after all, where the guilt should lie. Not at the system, not at the coach, not at the peddler who sold him the pot … And who does that leave? Your son.

As his parents, this kind of behavior starts at home with what is accepted and what is not. It’s up to parents to make that crystal clear. More importantly, set boundaries and standards, and actually model them yourselves. He had to have some gull bring drugs to school, much less using them to boot. Maybe Santa Clauses boot should meet someone’s backside.

Look, no parent wants something like this to happen, just like no one is perfect, including parents. But the bottom line here is holding your son liable, not trying to weasel out of the consequences of his actions for him.

It’s a tough world out there. This could be a lesson for your entire family and save this young man’s life in the future. Better to learn that there are aftereffects to stupid choices now than being called to a morgue to identify your son’s body—due to an accident getting high off weed and swerving head on into a telephone pole. Parents are called every day to do such a horrid thing. Very sad, especially because it could be avoided.

By the way, he’s got a second chance. A second chance at turning this situation into something positive. He could volunteer at a homeless shelter next summer or on Saturdays. He’d soon find out how drugs affected many in this population and whether he’d like to follow in their footsteps.

I hope he humbles himself and admits the wrong of his actions. I hope he supports his team. I hope he attends every game between now and any playoffs. I hope his parents lead him to make good choices. How y’all handle this moving forward will speak volumes to his success in life.


Dear Football Mom,

I’m writing you from my son’s hospital room. Last Saturday while playing in the game, he suffered a concussion, broken arm, and dislocated shoulder in a weird tackle. He underwent surgery Monday to repair the broken arm, and shoulder. Now they found his rotator cuff compromised by a tear as well. One of his knees has a contusion. He is recovering nicely and expected to be 100 percent by spring. He is only a sophomore in college and was red-shirted. This was his first year playing. His biggest disappointment is not being able to play the rest of the season because his team is headed to win their conference championship. 

How do I encourage him to continue football when I hated the game to begin with? I’ve never been a fan of football. Of course, my husband on the other hand … let’s just say he thrives on it. Now, it’s all I can do to muster the energy to hold my tongue when all I want to do is scream bloody murder at my husband. I want my son to continue college without playing football. We are a divided household, what is your best advice?

Dear Reader,

My heart goes out to you and your family, and I can only say I understand more than you may imagine. But know this—he is so blessed to have a mom by his bedside and a dad who is involved in his life.

My own son broke his leg in a game some years back. Surgery was scheduled immediately to insert a titanium rod to increase healing time. During his recovery in the hospital I found there were a few other players admitted for various reasons on the same floor. I went to visit them and found no parent or family member anywhere. And not only that … their hospital rooms were hollow. Not one balloon, card, goody bag, or anything else to cheer them up. I went directly back to my son’s room and looked around. There was such an outpouring of love lavished on this Buddy-Row it was downright embarrassing. He even had professors come to see him. Now, I will tell you the truth, my boy was not a book student. Not ever. Yet there they were, one after another visiting that guy and bringing goody bags. Whatever impression he made on them, it didn’t reflect on his grades!

I gathered-up a few balloon bouquets, goody bags, and anything else I thought the fellas down the hall might like and took it to those players who had nothing. You see, your son is blessed to have parents who give a hoot, even if you are hooting two different horns.

It’s too early to squabble over any choice your family may make—play ball, not play ball. Just get him well. Stay on top of doctor appointments. Make sure he takes his meds and eats well to get healthy. Keep the trainer’s phone number handy, and double check to make sure he has yours at the touch of a button. Load the dorm fridge with fruits and veggies that are easy to snack on.

My best advice right now is to present a united front. When it comes down to it, I hate to tell you, Mom, it really will be his choice to play or not.

Filed Under: disciplined, football, Football Mom Column, football players, football season, high school football, hope, leadership, quitting, scandal, sons, Wisdom

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About Candy

Candy A. Westbrook is a writer, newspaper columnist, and speaker whose passion lingers on the football field. She inspires families of all sports, but at her heart is her love for those boys of fall.

Helmet Kisses – The Heart Behind The Gridiron

Candy is working hard on her football memoir, Helmet Kisses. Make sure to watch for news and sign up for Candy’s newsletter so you never miss an update!

Helmet Kisses - The Heart Behind The Gridiron

About Candy

Candy A. Westbrook is a writer, newspaper columnist, and speaker whose passion lingers on the football field. She inspires families of all sports, but at her heart is her love for those boys of fall. College football recruiting can leave parents dangling on a zipline indefinitely and need someone on the other side who gets it. She inspires parents to go the distance because, “the topic may be football, but the real subject is life.”

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