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Mama Between a Rock and a Hard Place

October 10, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom,

My son is what they call a true freshman. (I’m new to this college lingo as a single mom with two other middle school children, girls.) He is three states away from home, and I haven’t been to a game all season. He doesn’t start, but he does rotate in and out. I’m finding it hard to save enough money, working two jobs just to pay the bills. Since you make sure all is confidential, we do receive some government assistance, and I still have a hard time buying groceries. Get the picture? I’d love to see him play just one game. Am I really missing out enough to skip paying an electric bill, or rent, and miss work too? Do you have any other suggestions that would help me get to see my boy play?

Dear Reader,

You couldn’t have asked a more genuine, prickly question that pulls on my heartstrings like the struggle for single moms doing all they can to see their kids play college sports. This one issue tears me up like a box of shredded tissues. I wish I had some better answers or suggestions that would really help. This time, I may come up empty-handed, even though there is always hope.

I’m assuming y’all were expecting your son to be redshirted (meaning his freshman year he’d sit out), and that would have given you a better chance to save up. Usually, redshirting players is what coaches do to give new recruits a chance to learn the program, adjust to college life, and settle in. But many times, the program is in need of young players, so they become true freshman and actually clock time playing. True freshman status can be quite the honor and something to be very proud of.

While parents are proud as a pot roast done to perfection in seeing their kids receive college scholarships, attending the games can bring a whole different roast to the table—burnt crisp, tough to carve, and hard to chew. Once our sons sign letters-of-intent to play for University Go Team, the real slicing for parents begins—how to get to the doggone games and watch them play without cracking a bank safe. Unless a body has been through the trial and expense of attending games, it’s tricky to understand the hardships put on families.

On one hand, the regular what I call “the bleacher-fan,” assumes there should be no problem. These parents don’t have to pay tuition like the rest of us, so what’s their beef? But what these folks don’t realize, especially for those parents whose kids play far away from home, it takes money for transportation, hotel, and food to travel out of state. And that adds up in a flash. On the other hand, those of us who are what I call “the family-fan,” realize the majority of collegiate athletes come from down-home, everyday people who don’t have gracious plenty to blow on trips to see their kids play.

The rich boosters with their multi-million-dollar RVs, box-seat season tickets, and club passes, find it puzzling that these parents would dare to complain. I don’t believe it’s complaining as much as it is troubling, expensive, or just plain hard to get to these games for most parents.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about financial success. It’s like most things in life: unless you’ve walked in another person’s footprints, you have a hard time understanding.

Reason I bring up the bucks and boosters is that I do wish college booster clubs would begin to see the need for funding a deserving parent who doesn’t have the means to see their son play. Just one family per season would be great. Imagine the goodwill this would generate.

I know this type of funding is a sticky situation with the NCAA, and I’m certainly not advocating doing anything underhanded, but the boosters could afford it … and make it happen if they’d have a mind to. Maybe y’all could appoint a group of folks to create a board for the purpose of, The Scholarship for Travel Parents’. Set up guidelines, regulations, and getter done. Call the NCAA first and ask if there could be a way to work it out. Stress that these would be parents whose sons have already signed. I know comping anyone while recruiting is death to a program.

My wish to help may not come true, but then again, maybe it will. I’ve had several parents and people who would like to help ask similar questions in the past. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could solve this issue for good?

To answer your question, yes you are missing out. But maybe he’ll start next year. Then it would really be a shame if you couldn’t attend at least one game. Start saving those pennies now.

Not usually a fan of go-fund-me accounts for frivolous issues such as starting a business, going to Tahiti, or even missions. I believe they are way over-used and abused. In this case, I’d say go for it. State your case. You never know.

Nikes New Spokesman

September 24, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom:
We’re a multi-sports family, and we are livid with Nike’s decision to have Colin Kaepernick as their spokesman! I can’t believe he’s making money off his stupidly and single handedly killing the NFL. Isn’t there anything we can do to stop this madness besides burn every Nike item we own?

Dear Reader:
Well, you’re right. It was stupid, and he did kill the NFL as we knew it. They ain’t no question ’bout that. Yet, I never understood why so many pros joined in over the disrespect of our Country and kneeling when they should be standing with a hand over their hearts. Are they that misled and out of touch with the fans?

My inbox has gone bonkers over this issue, so—once again—my darling football families hide the children because it won’t be pretty. This kneeling thang has crawled under my skin like a bunch of chiggers itching their way to my bones! Pass the Witch-hazel, please.

It makes me wonder if their families are still proud of them for making it to the NFL. Then again, as long as the money flows … even if it’s 10 percent lower from what it had been before fans boycotted NFL games last year. But, I guess money is money, and sadly most heads swivel toward the bucks regardless of how it’s earned.

What I’d really like to know, how did these NFL-ers spend their spring and summer breaks. Granted, free time may only be four or six weeks at most. But don’t you reckon in that time, they’d do something to contribute to their communities and further their cause? And just what the heck is their cause these days? Am I the only one who thinks any kneeling message got buried somewhere between messing in their britches and stubbing their toes?

Here’s a community idea for you big shots. Instead of kneeling while the flag and National Anthem are ceremoniously displayed before games, somebody ought to rise and teach a class to the youngins on showing respect. Enlighten our youth on things like—running from the cops is a bad idea when they yell, “stop!” Anybody ever thought of that? It’s purdy simple. Teach the kids to STOP dead in their tracks, when law enforcement hollers, “Stop!” Demonstrate respect by showing respect to our police. Maybe more kids would still be alive if only someone like yourselves took the time to teach this one principle, instead of kneeling at the office.

It’s kinda like going to Macy’s at Christmas. Stand in line to checkout, finally get in front of casher, put items on counter. Instead of totaling up your purchases and collecting money, she drops to the floor and takes a knee. Macy’s is her workplace like the field is the NFL-ers’ workplace. The clerk would be fired on the spot. First guy to drop on the field before game starts, ought to be shown the same curtesy.

Here’s an even better idea—y’all can afford it. Load up a bunch of boys and girls on a couple of buses with chaperones and head to Washington DC. You could even stay at the Trump Hotel—I hear it’s right nice. First stop after checking in, the National Cemetery. Let them take a gander at the fields of white headstones. Clarify that each tombstone represents someone who served our country.

Explain to the kids that many soldiers came home in boxes, bodies riddled with bullets, without legs, or arms, or so badly mangled they were unrecognizable. Not only that, but each grave represents families whose lives changed because daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, or cousins were not ever coming home again to grace holiday tables and celebrate family gatherings. Children still grow up even today without mommies or daddies, all because their parents served and gave their lives for The United States of America.
If you are that brave, I suggest you get out from under the bleachers and stand like a man.

I wouldn’t begin to know what’s in this guy’s heart or the others who followed blindly. But I do see how his conduct lacks moral compass. In reality, he’s a chicken. Nike has chosen a chicken for their spokesperson. I can think of a thousand other heroes. Perhaps ad campaigns like, “What if George Washington crossed the Delaware with a crate full of Nikes for his solders?” Anything but plastering this loser’s photo far and wide.

Nike will and has suffered and the foolish company’s rational, ‘it’s just for a short period of time.’ Trust me, main street USA isn’t about to buy into such ridiculous horse manure. Not now, not ever. Watch their stocks drop like a crater.

In answering your question, don’t buy Nike or any other brands they own. Nike nailed themselves right in the tushie!

Dear Football Mom:
Our son plays peewee football on an eight-year-old team in our community. After practice the other day, he gave me a flyer/letter stating that an anonymous donor has “graciously” outfitted all teams with new Nike jerseys for next year. We do need them, but I am just not sure we should accept them given the new advertisement Nike put forth.

Dear Reader:
You aren’t the only team questioning such a pickle as to using the Nike brand. I’ve had a few more emails such as yours involving cleats.

Perhaps you or someone you know and trust is in a leadership position with your association and you could speak to them. Do a little more digging about the donation, but you never want to hurt the feelings of this generous donor.

Any way you could find out if the jerseys came from the owner of a sporting goods store. You never know, maybe directly from the company. I’d ask if the jerseys might be exchanged for another brand. I would think that perhaps they could be without a lot of fuss.

Maybe the sporting goods store offered rock-bottom prices to the private donor as Nike products aren’t flying off shelves, these days. Maybe the donor purchased them as an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Hope you find some answers. You’ll need to involve other parents and come up with a wisdom game plan together.

As a fan of freebies, I sure do hate to turn down anything new, or donated for them football fellers. Especially anything for the little’s.

Rocky Road to Signing Day

September 14, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom:
It’s our son’s senior year. He hoped to play football at one of our instate universities next year. In fact, he already committed earlier this July. Now he thinks he wants to check out an out-of-state university. They’ve come after him hard, but I don’t think it’s right for him to change his mind when he gave his word to the other team. My husband is in a quandary, not sure he agrees with me. We haven’t heard from the other team since he committed during the summer. How should we handle this moving forward?

Dear Reader:
Good for you Mom, in teaching your son to keep his word! Bravo. Unfortunately, these kinds of deals can get as sticky as flypaper. And I do know, it’s not the flies you’re wishing to catch.

I’m assuming (here I go reading between the lines) your son gave a verbal commitment, just like perhaps the instate college gave a verbal offer? Unless the college in question put their offer in writing—a letter of intent to award your son with a scholarship to play football—the verbal is about as useless as a fly without wings. Besides, your son couldn’t have signed a letter of intent in July, as that would be an NCAA violation. Signing day is the time for all things legal.

On the other hand, if the college did put it in writing—which is not a violation—and you do have a written offer, it still may or may not be honored by the time signing day comes around. Where is that fly swatter?

Seems to me, and I’m just guessing, that if they were still interested in your son, they would have kept in touch even if it were by snail mail. Please, no offense. Sometimes, programs throw out a lot of offers to recruits and see which ones stick. That sort of practice is usually done by losing teams, or teams where coaches’ jobs are in jeopardy, so, let’s connect the dots … means, losing teams. Most coaches don’t take too kindly to such recruiting practices. Believe it or not, the majority try to run a semblance of a reputable program.

The sticky part for y’all begins when you muster the courage to phone the program that offered in July. Ask them point blank, where your son stands and if the offer is still valid. If you hear hemming and hawing on the other end, there’s your answer. Most coaches will never tell you straight up what’s rolling around in their heads, but you should get an idea if they kept your son’s ball in their lane.

Something may have changed to knock your son out of the running. Oftentimes, the adults don’t, or can’t, keep their word for the strangest of reasons. Depends on their state of mind, not that coaches don’t want to be honest, it’s just not in their repertoire.

Generally, I can divide coaches into two kinds: “the counts,” and “the no-a-counts.” Coaches are like that. They are as fickle as a teenage girl trying to choose which fella to go to the prom with, assuming she was asked by a few and has choices.

Wither your son was recruited by one of the counts, or one of the no-a-counts at the instate college, the good news now is the notion that your son has the freedom and opportunity to look at any team he wishes. He can study and mull over all programs, their possibilities, go anywhere, any time he wants, without feeling guilty of reneging on his word.

In the end, I always suggest going where the program makes it clear, you are wanted. After all, don’t we all want to be where we are wanted?

NCAA Rule Change

September 7, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom:
Do you think the NCAA will change the rules allowing college players to follow their coaches to another team, even though the player has been with his current team for a few seasons? How can coaches who leave to pursue other programs take their players with them? This may apply to our son. What are we in for with this ruling?

Dear Reader:
Oh goodness, maybe a big ol’ mess! A great question. But a technical one, at that. Remember, I’m just the heart behind the gridiron. My Ph.D. earned at The University of Mama and the crazy calamities associated with college football left me, at times, more mystified than enlightened. This could be the perfect example.

If ever there was a funky business, college football is it. The times, they are a-changing. I believe the ruling “Notification-of-Transfer” has already passed but won’t be in effect until October.

I just read a few different opinions on this, but not sure I could add much to legal jargon, if that’s what you’re looking for. But, as always, I try to bring it down to the players and their lives and how they are touched by such things.

The dry rub is this: When a player is recruited by a certain coach — especially a position coach they’ve bonded with and developed a good working relationship together — then that coach leaves for another program, it effects the kid left behind more than what is seen sitting in the stands. The player may or may not take a liking to his new coach and, hello, his playing quality drops a notch.

This ruling allows the player, more than ever before, the flexibility to follow his coach to a new program. That’s not a bad thing. The ruling also provides a more transparent process with universities and their coaches. Not a bad thing either.

The slippery sauce is this: It will more than likely affect highly sought-after recruits and major NCAA conferences. Top programs vied for a proviso to implement their own rules that, in the end, could be more restrictive than the national ruling.

It all boils down to “Who’s Zoomin’ Who” because of past sneaky recruiting tactics used by the big boys. This will appease college coaches, as their worst nightmare of illegal recruiting could rise. Yep. Who knew? The competitiveness between programs can be as fierce as two wild mountain lions fighting for the same piece of red meat.

Two things to remember about college coaches: They are always looking for the next star and will do almost anything to lasso that luminous sphere. And they almost always have their fingers in the same cookie jar, on the same countertop, fighting for the same cookie — all at the same time.

If your son chooses to leave and follow his coach, have him inform his school as they will be obligated to enter his name in a national transfer database in a timely manner. Once an athlete’s name goes in, any coach can contact him.

I think it wise to make sure your son has talked to the coach he wants to follow, and doesn’t hop on a chuck wagon (new program) that could have a few pots and pans missing. There is a reason his coach was hired at the new program, which may or may not put the cayenne pepper in the rub.

Dear Football Mom:
We are heartbroken. We missed the deadline, due to a family illness, to sign our 10-year-old son up for peewee football this year. What should we do to get them to allow for this overlooked mistake, while we were taking care of an elder in another state? It really doesn’t seem fair.

Dear Reader:
I usually don’t say this, but I tend to agree. It doesn’t seem fair.

If you haven’t already, I suggest talking to the president of your association. Maybe take it to a vote with the board. Or perhaps check out another organization. Something I rarely recommend, but when folks can’t understand the situation, or extend a little grace (for reasons we are unaware of) because it sure sounds like you did the right thing by taking care of your kinfolk. So sometimes, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

You may have to drive a-ways to this new team’s location. But who knows? You might just find a better fit for your son. It could turn out to be what I call “A Goldilocks!” It’s just right.

Cures for Cramping for Football Players

August 14, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook Leave a Comment

Dear Football Mom:
Our son has had some horrible bouts with cramping this year at practice. I fear it could get worse in the upcoming games. He eats bananas like crazy and tries to stay hydrated with Gatorade. What else can he do or eat to keep the cramping down?

Dear Reader:
Great question! Is he S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G properly after workouts and practice?

Salt intake is huge. I’m sure your coach has suggested pickle juice, but if not, that’s a great source to get salt intake without having to take salt tablets. Of course, actually eating the pickles is a plus. Then again, the ole standby concoction of a baked potato with salted butter, added salt, and chopped pickles on top, works too. That will clear up anything that ails ya!

One of my sons had a tough time with this very thing in college. I nearly went into orbit when I found out he was receiving IVs, not only at halftime, but also in-between quarters. Seriously, how much is a mama supposed to take? Apparently, everything.

That fella dried up like a dog in a dry desert hunting a bone every time he played, which was a lot. He tried to keep the IV deal under wraps and me from knowing. But one time before a game, I saw pouches of IVs on the sideline labeled with his number. I shot off like a rocket loaded with combustible fuel and went straight to the trainer. “What the heck, man? This kid hates needles, and he only has so many veins. Isn’t there another way to prevent his cramping?”

The trainer was such a trouper. He explained how severely Brandon got dehydrated no matter what they did to keep him from it. The dude also told me my son was better off taking an IV throughout the game instead of keeling over with full body cramps. Well, I couldn’t argue with that. At the time, he was one of the best trainers going, and I respected his opinion. Brandon tells me now, “Actually, Mom, I got to where I saw needles as a God-send.”

Just like flu season, right now it’s cramping season. There is, of course, the old-school remedy that will take care of cramping in an instant. Once the season rocks on and the weather gets cooler, you won’t see players dropping like flies in full-throttle pain on the field anymore. Cramping during the games should subside.

If your son is still suffering with cramps halfway through the season, have him checked by a doc and make sure they do blood work. There could be underlining issues no one sees on the surface. Let’s hope not.

Enjoy the season and watching your son and his team play the greatest game on earth.

Dear Football Mom:
I read your recent column on mixing church and state together for the sake of football. Was just wondering if you could answer a quick question for me. If the head coach of a football team had his largely Christian team listen to a Muslim or a Judaist preach their religion as potential “inspiration,” would you accept that coach’s decision as the “freedom to choose” his way of instilling in his players “a moral compass to guide youngsters?”

Dear Reader:
I appreciate your question and you taking the time to write me, but your first statement is completely incorrect. No one is mixing church for the sake of football. Please reread the column. Apparently, you were confused. I get it. That is easy to do.

I tend to reserve this space for real questions, from real parents, who have real concerns surrounding the game of football. I do not answer scenarios or what if’s … but thank you very much for reaching out. I hope you’ll continue to read the columns.

Column referenced: Freedom, Football, and Choosing Faith see here.

Mama Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Nikes New Spokesman

Rocky Road to Signing Day

NCAA Rule Change

Cures for Cramping for Football Players

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