football season Archives | Page 2 of 4

When the Road Gets Rough: Tough Love for Some Football Parents

December 12, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

So, our son got caught smoking pot behind the gym at school two weeks ago. He and his buddies (not football players) have been expelled and put on probation by the juvenile court judge in our county. I have mixed emotions, from heartbreak to raging mad, at this system of so-called, justice! He is only 17 and he’s one of the stars on the football team going into state championship playoffs. Coach kicked him off the team, and now he won’t be able to play in any championship games. It’s his senior year and could be the last time he ever gets to play. We’ve pleaded with the coach until we’re blue in the face. We paid the fine, we took the punishment, he’s doing community service, but what about second chances? What can we do?

Dear Reader,

Sounds to me like not a dad-blame thing. The shoulda coulda woulda act is in play here. As his parents, what do you think y’all should have, or could have, or would have done before this behavior became the nightmare before playoffs? Maybe cracking down on your son once you saw him wiggling out of accountability. I suspect he and his merry men have done this pot smoking before. I love your comment, “… mad at the system.” What about being mad at the reason for the season failure—your son?

I’m sorry, but your son as a senior, shoulda been a leader and known better than to try such a stunt on school property—or anybody’s property as far as that goes. That is, after all, where the guilt should lie. Not at the system, not at the coach, not at the peddler who sold him the pot … And who does that leave? Your son.

As his parents, this kind of behavior starts at home with what is accepted and what is not. It’s up to parents to make that crystal clear. More importantly, set boundaries and standards, and actually model them yourselves. He had to have some gull bring drugs to school, much less using them to boot. Maybe Santa Clauses boot should meet someone’s backside.

Look, no parent wants something like this to happen, just like no one is perfect, including parents. But the bottom line here is holding your son liable, not trying to weasel out of the consequences of his actions for him.

It’s a tough world out there. This could be a lesson for your entire family and save this young man’s life in the future. Better to learn that there are aftereffects to stupid choices now than being called to a morgue to identify your son’s body—due to an accident getting high off weed and swerving head on into a telephone pole. Parents are called every day to do such a horrid thing. Very sad, especially because it could be avoided.

By the way, he’s got a second chance. A second chance at turning this situation into something positive. He could volunteer at a homeless shelter next summer or on Saturdays. He’d soon find out how drugs affected many in this population and whether he’d like to follow in their footsteps.

I hope he humbles himself and admits the wrong of his actions. I hope he supports his team. I hope he attends every game between now and any playoffs. I hope his parents lead him to make good choices. How y’all handle this moving forward will speak volumes to his success in life.

Dear Football Mom,

I’m writing you from my son’s hospital room. Last Saturday while playing in the game, he suffered a concussion, broken arm, and dislocated shoulder in a weird tackle. He underwent surgery Monday to repair the broken arm, and shoulder. Now they found his rotator cuff compromised by a tear as well. One of his knees has a contusion. He is recovering nicely and expected to be 100 percent by spring. He is only a sophomore in college and was red-shirted. This was his first year playing. His biggest disappointment is not being able to play the rest of the season because his team is headed to win their conference championship.

How do I encourage him to continue football when I hated the game to begin with? I’ve never been a fan of football. Of course, my husband on the other hand … let’s just say he thrives on it. Now, it’s all I can do to muster the energy to hold my tongue when all I want to do is scream bloody murder at my husband. I want my son to continue college without playing football. We are a divided household, what is your best advice?

Dear Reader,

My heart goes out to you and your family, and I can only say I understand more than you may imagine. But know this—he is so blessed to have a mom by his bedside and a dad who is involved in his life.

My own son broke his leg in a game some years back. Surgery was scheduled immediately to insert a titanium rod to increase healing time. During his recovery in the hospital I found there were a few other players admitted for various reasons on the same floor. I went to visit them and found no parent or family member anywhere. And not only that … their hospital rooms were hollow. Not one balloon, card, goody bag, or anything else to cheer them up. I went directly back to my son’s room and looked around. There was such an outpouring of love lavished on this Buddy-Row it was downright embarrassing. He even had professors come to see him. Now, I will tell you the truth, my boy was not a book student. Not ever. Yet there they were, one after another visiting that guy and bringing goody bags. Whatever impression he made on them, it didn’t reflect on his grades!

I gathered-up a few balloon bouquets, goody bags, and anything else I thought the fellas down the hall might like and took it to those players who had nothing. You see, your son is blessed to have parents who give a hoot, even if you are hooting two different horns.

It’s too early to squabble over any choice your family may make—play ball, not play ball. Just get him well. Stay on top of doctor appointments. Make sure he takes his meds and eats well to get healthy. Keep the trainer’s phone number handy, and double check to make sure he has yours at the touch of a button. Load the dorm fridge with fruits and veggies that are easy to snack on.

My best advice right now is to present a united front. When it comes down to it, I hate to tell you, Mom, it really will be his choice to play or not.

Beyond the Lights: Questions following the Tamron Hall Show

November 8, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

We saw you on the Tamron Hall Show talking about the pay to play passing in California for college athletes and we have two questions: What were you talking about with the “worms” being “slippery little devils,” and what did you mean about playing for the love of the game? Our son is a junior in high school playing football, and college recruiters are showing interest. What is wrong with football players or any student athlete getting paid?

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for watching and for these fantastic follow up questions, bringing more attention to this ruling. The devil, as the cliché goes, is in the details. My game plan options and opinions went kapowee. The clock ran out in that segment before I had a chance to throw the ball. Not promising a touchdown, but …

The worm reference has gotten a lot of buzz. Hopefully, this will bring a pinch of clarity for everyone reading our column. Then again, sometimes I’m clear as mud.

It was my way of explaining, in a saucy comedic way, the fact that this law is not yet in play, and there is still time to reverse such a reckless ruling. After it’s implemented, it will be harder to put a cap on the can of worms as they bury themselves in the ground or scoot off into oblivion. They are slippery little devils and hard to catch wiggling everywhere like they’d just got bit by red aunts. I reckon this law will be harder to pull back once it goes into effect. Hence the worm analogy. It’s easier to keep the lid on the can of worms instead of frantically running after them, chasing them back into the can when they’ve got a good head start.

This little ruling will only wreak havoc later down the road and create that hotdog mentality. It will allow commercial companies to seek endorsements for their products, paying players for their John Henry (signatures), and that’s code for some players to bring attention to themselves so the spotlight shines on them, giving the products, they represent free publicity. The ruse of the players, encouraged by the commercial companies, to hotdog brings in more money and profit when showing out on televised games. This translates to bulging bank accounts for those few players. Duhh. No team about it at all.

The effect will be mind-blowing all right. Decision makers such as chancellors, deans, or presidents of universities could bury their heads, I suppose, for kickbacks (see how money makes everybody involved gamble and goofy). Then try finding an authentic athletic director, one who isn’t willing to turn a blind eye receiving payment from sports companies for, let’s say, unrestrained access to their athletes. Or head coaches or assistants. Or for that matter, recruiting players whose heart’s desire is pure and plays for the love the game.

As if recruiting isn’t hard enough, now players are going on the chopping block to the highest bidder. No longer will recruiters find players who feel it a privilege to receive a scholarship offer. They’ll want that fat paycheck to boot. Prep players may demand to be hooked up with companies for endorsements, or wage bets on how much said college program will dole out for a player’s percentage of jersey sales. I suppose too, talent level will drop.

You might as well go ahead and throw the word “team” in the trash. It will no longer be the game we all cheer and root for. Talk about a scam… have mercy! This makes recruiting cheating scandals look like child’s play in a sand box.

Now, I will share the fact that yes, there is a need for pocket change so players can buy toothpaste and shaving cream. If the programs themselves paid players a small amount of cash per week or whatever, then fine. Have you ever seen the “adult” pro players—who do get paid enormous bucks—handle money wisely? It’s rare, so how the heck do you think kids will handle it? It’s sure to be the best booze bonus going. Just what college coaches need, more watchful oversights. Those poor ol boys won’t know if they’re coming, or going, or already been there!

And by the way, the players are getting paid. They are receiving a free … that is FREE … education, study hall assistance, free tutors at their disposal, free books, free meals, free lodging, and even free medical care. Besides all of that, those who really need financial assistance can apply for something called pale grants. Also FREE money.

This is college football, not pro football. Graduate, get a job, form a career, create your own wealth with your free education. Honestly, don’t y’all think that should be the ultimate goal for any student athlete? Graduate college.

Football is Like An Orchestra

October 10, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

We are about fed-up with the favoritism our head coach lavishes on a few certain players. Our son is an offensive lineman and not only does coach snub him, but most of the boys who are playing on the OL. He is always with the quarterback, wide receivers, and running backs, or helping the defense during practice and never checks on or spends time with the offensive line. We are about ready to go talk to the athletic director or the principal, but are afraid it will make matters worse.

What is your advice?

Dear Reader,

So, you feel that your son and the offensive line is being treated like a second fiddle by your head coach. I hear ya. Let’s see if we can get this little thing in perspective and look at the difference between the pickin’ and a grinnin’.

You may not know of the famous conductor Leonard Bernstein, but he was once a purty big deal in Hollywood. He wrote the scores for West Side Story, Rear Window, and On the Town staring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra, to name a few. A reporter once asked him, in regards to his orchestra, “What’s the most difficult instrument to play?”

“Second fiddle,” he replied, and added, “if no one plays second, there’s no harmony.”

The same goes for the offensive linemen on a football team. If there is no protection for the quarterback, or holes made for running backs, then there is dang-sure no harmony on that football team! Without the offensive line, the quarterback and his accompaniments are useless. No way can he get his job done by pitching the ball, or getting his balls airborne or in the hands of any running backs. Without the second fiddle (the OL) there is no harmony, no rhythm, no tune, and no way to move the ball forward, much less hurling it to wide receivers for touchdowns before the quarterback’s backside meets grass by a brood of defensive guys out for blood.

Offensive linemen are a peculiar bunch. The dream of an OL coach would be to have a group of guys up front who are tightly woven like a string of pearls. Then add a perfectly performed precision ballet by moving in sync with one another, creating a barrier that no defense could break. These guys spill their guts every time the ball is snapped, only to receive little glory for the battle. Have you ever heard an announcer praise and call out an offensive lineman’s name for that marvelous pancake blocking? Maybe ever so often, but it’s gotta be a mighty-darn special block and usually down field, not off the line of scrimmage. The neutral zones are the most physical blocks—the more athletic blocks are down field. Either way, blocking is a rough fiddle to strum. These dudes are the most unselfish players on the team.

I do a lot of reading between the lines within the questions we receive, and this question is no different. If I had to guess, I suppose head coach has a lot of notes he’s trying to make into melodies, and his time is already split coaching and drilling the quarterback and wide receivers, making sure they know how to run his routes and understand his game plans. Checking on his defense to get them ready to stop the next opponent and execute his game plan for that to happen, is probably second nature to him. He’s checking his song sheet so his team ends up on the same page of music. I do believe that’s kinda what you’d want in a coach.

He’s not a babysitter—he’s orchestrating a perfect harmony for his team, and that requires focus where the trouble spots are to hit the keys just right. I suspect you are a winning team this season, and he’s doing all he can to keep it that way.

Your coach may be from the offensive side of the ball, meaning he played quarterback in college or whatever, and he’s teaching what he knows. He also may have a lot of trust in his offensive line coach. Maybe they worked together to craft their offense strategy over the summer, and coach has complete confidence in this position coach. If I had to bet, I would bet the offensive line is looking great in games, on film, or in practice, and y’all are headed for a crescendo season. Coach feels his time is better spent honing drills with the ball carriers. He’s not needed on the OL. That’s a good thing. That means your son and his teammates are nailing their assignments.

Hear me on this. Whether or not he is from the offensive side of the ball, he is well aware of how valuable his second fiddle, the OL, really is. I don’t believe for a second he’s playing favorites; he’s just one guy trying to make the most out of the time and the talent he’s got, and he’s not about to micro manage the OL, because there are no flat notes being played out there.

If you do decide to go to the AD or the principal, you may end up with nothing more than the cat and the fiddle. Wouldn’t that put a knot in the cow’s tail as he jumped over the moon?

Tackling the Tough Ones

October 8, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

Our son played varsity football in high school last year, and again starts first string as a sophomore this year. His head coach just moved him to start as a linebacker on defense. He also starts as right tackle on the offensive line. That means he’s playing both ways. With no breaks in between, he drinks sports drinks by the pound and tries to stay hydrated, eats well, and stays healthy, but I’ve got to tell you this is so hard on him. He is about give out on Friday nights. While we are proud of him, we are also concerned that this is too much wear and tear on his body. It is so hard. Should we talk to the coach?

Dear Reader,

Super duper! Your son must be headed beyond Friday nights. Sounds to me like he is one cool cat at playing this game. It’s an honor, really it is.

That said, I couldn’t sugarcoat this no matter how hard I’d try. It’s meant to be hard. Without the hard, this game would just be ordinary. It’s the hard that makes the game extraordinary. And playing both ways gives your son experiences he wouldn’t ordinarily have on the field playing just one position.

Yes, it’s hard. You should know that the coach wouldn’t have put him in this position if it wasn’t best for the team, or if he felt your son couldn’t handle it. I don’t believe there is a coach anywhere who wants his players hurt. Football and playing one position are hard enough. Playing both ways is giving your son opportunities of a lifetime, valued experience, and will put him in the category of extraordinary talent once he finishes high school. Yes, it’s hard.

Is he complaining? Sounds to me like he is staying healthy, and doing the right things to keep it that way. Does he want to play in college? Now, I’m not saying that playing both ways is a sure way to have recruiters lining up at your home, salivating, licking their chops to sign your son, but it does give him an edge, and his ability to be versatile gives him notability. Quite honestly, it’s all about position in college. Rarely do you see players playing both ways on college teams. But playing both ways now widens his scope of understanding the game and will give him unprecedented vision when it comes to reading opponents, regardless of offense or defense. And that my dear friend, is priceless.

Think of it this way: try to look beyond the pooped-out at the end of his games and look at the what ifs because of playing both ways. What if he catches the eyes of recruiters and has the opportunity to play in college? What if he is offered a full-ride scholarship? What if, because of playing both ways, his stats go up, toughness increases, and he sharpens his skills to put his marketability on top and ends up becoming an NFL-er?

What if? The possibilities are never ending. If it weren’t hard, it wouldn’t be football. Are there really any easy roads to success?

Dear Football Mom,

We are a football family who doesn’t believe religion should be shoved down our throats. We have a son playing high school football who worships Drew Brees. Don’t you think Mr. Brees should keep his religion to himself? He has taken his religion too far by encouraging kids to take Bibles to school. I am put off by this move on his part.

Dear Reader,

Oh gee. Let me get this straight. You are put off by a book that teaches the human race to be kind to one another, respect parents, and choose good over evil? Okay, now I get it. No, actually I don’t get it, but let’s try to walk through this together.

Seriously, it’s hard to understand how a body navigates our children’s moral compass if we aren’t teaching good solid values, life principles, healthy boundaries, and—news flash—the Bible is the perfect blueprint for that. Why reinvent the wheel when God’s got ya covered through His Word?

Look, I am not really trying to be bombastic, but you gotta ask yourself, what is your beef with Bibles? What is everyone so afraid of—that your kids might pick up some decent life lessons on how to treat people or deal with conflict? There is some good stuff in there even if you don’t believe. And it’s not about religion, it’s all about relationship and faith.

For the record—which may not matter a hill a beans to those of you who take issue with Bibles—but Brees suggested to students to bring their Bible for one day, and one day only. Not religion day. Not see-who-you-can-put-off day. And not shove-religion-down-your-throat day, but “Bring your Bible to School Day,” hosted by a purty reputable organization. That’s all.

Drew Brees is a Saint. Encouraging the kids was a good thing. He has since recoiled a bit due to the backlash and, truly, I wish he hadn’t. Even big guys get bullied, and Saints are no exception. I was surprised that he buckled under pressure and walked it back, like a ten-yard penalty. I hope like crazy those of us who claim faith would stand firm when confronted with bullies. But you never know until you are in someone else’s cleats.

Raise ‘Em Up Right

September 10, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

What happens when your son received a Division IA full-ride scholarship to play football in college and actually played last year as a true freshman? I just found out he was cut from the team for this upcoming year. This doesn’t make sense.

Dear Reader,

Without knowing more, it’s tough to say. This sounds like there’s one black-eyed pea got lost in a pot of collard greens! I bet Junior isn’t tellin’ the whole story.

I might guess there is more going on than what you’ve been told. Or, what you are telling me. I assume you talked to the head coach and your son’s position coach. If not, do so. Is your son home or still on campus?

Usually, a four-year scholarship with a D-IA program would be honored, even if the player has been injured and could never play again for his university, or for whatever health issues cropped up, or for most any other reason he may have been cut from the team. Maybe he’s allergic to grass.

Coaches tend to keep a player on, if possible, and honor the scholarship, even though that cuts into their roster numbers. Meaning, college coaches can only keep so many on-paid scholarship per year. If the player is able, coach will work him in some capacity, like maybe helping the equipment guy, or keeping the weight room clean. That is, if the player is in good standing with the coaches. In other words, if the student athlete didn’t blow it with drugs, drunken conduct, or rape allegations—just to name a few issues that would get him kicked off his team and campus, pronto.

If the program sent your son packing, and the coaches are pulling his scholarship, that is a bad sign. Something happened, and it’s not good. This is one reason why I try so hard to encourage parents to set boundaries now while the kid is still home in high school, if not before. Say like, from the toddler stage. I’ve heard all kinds of stories and, honestly, they all could have been prevented if parents would just parent, and stop trying to play some sort of peer popularity contest with their kids. Parents should never put up with a bunch of goobly-goop excuses, and they should hold kids accountable while they still have time. Integrity counts, y’all.

This is what I’ve found to be true through the years. Not only do kids pattern what is lived out before them, but they will do purdy much what is expected of them. If you expect them to stay out all night drinking, drugging, smoking, that’s what they’ll do. If, on the other hand, you expect them to remember where they came from and behave themselves, they will pretty much do that as well. I’ve heard so many parents say, “Well they’re just being teenagers, and they’re going to get in some trouble.” Guess what, that may be true to an extent, but ya don’t need to let your kids know that it’s okay with you. Golly, don’t you want to hold your child to a higher stander than expecting him/her to get into trouble?

Parenting is a tough job—it’s not for sissies. It’s up to you to get to the bottom of the collard greens pot and fish out that black-eyed pea. Otherwise, you could be one of those parents whose son lives in your basement forty years from now. I’m just saying, if you have pulled strings in the past to get him out of trouble, you’ve already set a pattern, and he may think you can do the same now. It’s never too late to hold your child responsible for his/her actions. Although at this stage, it will be harder.

You are right. This doesn’t make sense.

Dear Football Mom,

I am trying hard to raise my four boys on my own. They all love the game of football. Actually, two of them may have the potential to play in college. That would be a wonderful blessing as I stress education over sports. Hoping all four go to college, graduate, and become successful regardless of my empty bank account. But receiving a scholarship to play football in college would be a big help.

What can I do to make sure the two who may have the ability, play in college with a scholarship?

Dear Reader,

The most you can do is make sure he/they are the ones who want to play in college. Keep open communication with your sons, stay grounded, and keep a positive attitude. The rest is window dressing.

By that I mean hopefully they’ve got a great work ethic. Get good grades. Work hard in the weight room and on the field. They respect their coaches, teachers, and you. They have proven results as unselfish team players. They eat well. Keep curfews. Stay out of trouble.

If you have followed me for long, you know I have a heart for single moms. Wow, that’s a lot of guy stuff flying around your house. I think I would lose any religion the good Lord gave me trying to keep up four boys much less making them toe the line. I’m kidding of course, because boys are huge blessings. But I can imagine how hard it has been doing things on your own in the guy’s world of football. I’ve been in your shoes.

Talk to your head coach. Yes, Mom, you can do it. Make sure he believes they’ve got the stuff to play beyond Friday nights. Ask him if he has a game plan, a strategy to help your boys during recruitment to play college ball, and what that might look like. Does he plan to make a highlight film? What, if anything, does he feel you could do to further or support those goals.

Most high school coaches like to help in this process. But remember, if you are feeling ignored, he’s got a job to do during this part of playing season, teeing up and preparing to play other teams. If your son will be a senior next year or so, you’ve got a little time. I suggest talking to coaches after Christmas break. Especially if your team is winning and coach is busy getting his team ready for region or state playoffs. That’s his top priority. Be patient. And praying never hurt nobody.

When the Road Gets Rough: Tough Love for Some Football Parents

Beyond the Lights: Questions following the Tamron Hall Show

Football is Like An Orchestra

Tackling the Tough Ones

Raise ‘Em Up Right

About Candy

Pages

Connect with Candy

Automatic Updates