Candy A. Westbrook

Candy A. Westbrook - Author, Columnist, Speaker, Football Mom

"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus … who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJ).
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Where’s the Loyalty?

March 11, 2020 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

Most of our families, including extended family, are LSU fans. Not all of them are in our newspaper’s reading area, but I gave them your website so they could read the recent column you wrote about the feud between next-door neighbors LSU and Clemson fans. You can’t control what some fans do, or their nasty antics. The rant about the eggs thrown was justifiable. I am, however, so proud of our LSU Tigers!

LSU was the clear winner and reigning National Champions. But we are upset with all the coaches leaving LSU right after the win. Who are really the winners? Yes, we hold the title, but when most coaches leave instantly after a winning season, come on. Begs the question, wouldn’t those coaches likely had to have been making those deals before the game? To us, that is disgusting. What say you?

Dear Reader,

Oh, my sweet Purple Tiger Fan. Where have you been all my life? I agree it is disgusting!

That dirty little back room has cleaned the clocks of many football programs, their fans, boosters, and alum. LSU is, sadly, no different from many other universities that get peppered for a spell. Where is that Louisiana Hot Sauce when you need it …

These dudes, the coaches, scream loyalty with gobs of powdered sugar piled high on their beignets when it comes to making those deals. They most certainly want those sweet loyalty clauses in their contracts, which really don’t exist. What does exist is the green and purple King Cake called paperbacks. Most contracts protect the universities from going into bankruptcy. The baby’s in the buyout portion. These are safety nets included in the contracts. In other words, if an athletic director from another program steals say, a head coach from a winning program, the AD agrees to buy out the contract of the coach he wishes to hire. Forget Mardi Gras and take the mask off. It’s musical chairs, plain and simple. Programs have paid millions in fees just to hire the new eye candy they think is the answer to their woes. Too often, that sugar high melts like butter and turns into gooey jambalaya. The program paid millions for nothing.

But LSU didn’t just lose some coaches, they lost key players too. Tremendous players. Now that’s what I call a mushy mess! The poor ole fellers who are left will have to start from scratch to make their red beans and rice. But, your Coach O is like a roux to the gumbo and he’s recruited some awesome players. He is one of the best in the business and he’ll flavor that pot with just the right ingredients. He’s born and bred Louisianan and he’s not going anywhere except back to business in Tiger Stadium.    

I dare say some of those players who did leave for the NFL will never make it in the NFL for various reasons. Not trying to be Negative Nelly here, just can’t help but call the cups of sugar as I’ve seen them for a few years. What you think might be a good deal turns out not such a great deal after all. Just like a double hot-fudge Sunday, it looks good … taste good … but come Monday morning stepping on the scales, and they tilt forward. Ouch.

This kind of stuff happens every year to programs across the country. It’s not very nice. And back to the loyalty thing … it hurts. But remember when y’all LSU folks thought you’d never recover from the loss of a guy named Nick Sabin who threw off he’s beads for the NFL?

Filed Under: championship teams, Clemson Tigars, college coaches, college football recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football players, football season, leadership, LSU, NFL, pro football, quitting, resignation, scandal

When the Road Gets Rough: Tough Love for Some Football Parents

December 12, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

So, our son got caught smoking pot behind the gym at school two weeks ago. He and his buddies (not football players) have been expelled and put on probation by the juvenile court judge in our county. I have mixed emotions, from heartbreak to raging mad, at this system of so-called, justice! He is only 17 and he’s one of the stars on the football team going into state championship playoffs. Coach kicked him off the team, and now he won’t be able to play in any championship games. It’s his senior year and could be the last time he ever gets to play. We’ve pleaded with the coach until we’re blue in the face. We paid the fine, we took the punishment, he’s doing community service, but what about second chances? What can we do?

Dear Reader,

Sounds to me like not a dad-blame thing. The shoulda coulda woulda act is in play here. As his parents, what do you think y’all should have, or could have, or would have done before this behavior became the nightmare before playoffs? Maybe cracking down on your son once you saw him wiggling out of accountability. I suspect he and his merry men have done this pot smoking before. I love your comment, “… mad at the system.” What about being mad at the reason for the season failure—your son? 

I’m sorry, but your son as a senior, shoulda been a leader and known better than to try such a stunt on school property—or anybody’s property as far as that goes. That is, after all, where the guilt should lie. Not at the system, not at the coach, not at the peddler who sold him the pot … And who does that leave? Your son.

As his parents, this kind of behavior starts at home with what is accepted and what is not. It’s up to parents to make that crystal clear. More importantly, set boundaries and standards, and actually model them yourselves. He had to have some gull bring drugs to school, much less using them to boot. Maybe Santa Clauses boot should meet someone’s backside.

Look, no parent wants something like this to happen, just like no one is perfect, including parents. But the bottom line here is holding your son liable, not trying to weasel out of the consequences of his actions for him.

It’s a tough world out there. This could be a lesson for your entire family and save this young man’s life in the future. Better to learn that there are aftereffects to stupid choices now than being called to a morgue to identify your son’s body—due to an accident getting high off weed and swerving head on into a telephone pole. Parents are called every day to do such a horrid thing. Very sad, especially because it could be avoided.

By the way, he’s got a second chance. A second chance at turning this situation into something positive. He could volunteer at a homeless shelter next summer or on Saturdays. He’d soon find out how drugs affected many in this population and whether he’d like to follow in their footsteps.

I hope he humbles himself and admits the wrong of his actions. I hope he supports his team. I hope he attends every game between now and any playoffs. I hope his parents lead him to make good choices. How y’all handle this moving forward will speak volumes to his success in life.


Dear Football Mom,

I’m writing you from my son’s hospital room. Last Saturday while playing in the game, he suffered a concussion, broken arm, and dislocated shoulder in a weird tackle. He underwent surgery Monday to repair the broken arm, and shoulder. Now they found his rotator cuff compromised by a tear as well. One of his knees has a contusion. He is recovering nicely and expected to be 100 percent by spring. He is only a sophomore in college and was red-shirted. This was his first year playing. His biggest disappointment is not being able to play the rest of the season because his team is headed to win their conference championship. 

How do I encourage him to continue football when I hated the game to begin with? I’ve never been a fan of football. Of course, my husband on the other hand … let’s just say he thrives on it. Now, it’s all I can do to muster the energy to hold my tongue when all I want to do is scream bloody murder at my husband. I want my son to continue college without playing football. We are a divided household, what is your best advice?

Dear Reader,

My heart goes out to you and your family, and I can only say I understand more than you may imagine. But know this—he is so blessed to have a mom by his bedside and a dad who is involved in his life.

My own son broke his leg in a game some years back. Surgery was scheduled immediately to insert a titanium rod to increase healing time. During his recovery in the hospital I found there were a few other players admitted for various reasons on the same floor. I went to visit them and found no parent or family member anywhere. And not only that … their hospital rooms were hollow. Not one balloon, card, goody bag, or anything else to cheer them up. I went directly back to my son’s room and looked around. There was such an outpouring of love lavished on this Buddy-Row it was downright embarrassing. He even had professors come to see him. Now, I will tell you the truth, my boy was not a book student. Not ever. Yet there they were, one after another visiting that guy and bringing goody bags. Whatever impression he made on them, it didn’t reflect on his grades!

I gathered-up a few balloon bouquets, goody bags, and anything else I thought the fellas down the hall might like and took it to those players who had nothing. You see, your son is blessed to have parents who give a hoot, even if you are hooting two different horns.

It’s too early to squabble over any choice your family may make—play ball, not play ball. Just get him well. Stay on top of doctor appointments. Make sure he takes his meds and eats well to get healthy. Keep the trainer’s phone number handy, and double check to make sure he has yours at the touch of a button. Load the dorm fridge with fruits and veggies that are easy to snack on.

My best advice right now is to present a united front. When it comes down to it, I hate to tell you, Mom, it really will be his choice to play or not.

Filed Under: disciplined, football, Football Mom Column, football players, football season, high school football, hope, leadership, quitting, scandal, sons, Wisdom

Football is Like An Orchestra

October 10, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

We are about fed-up with the favoritism our head coach lavishes on a few certain players. Our son is an offensive lineman and not only does coach snub him, but most of the boys who are playing on the OL. He is always with the quarterback, wide receivers, and running backs, or helping the defense during practice and never checks on or spends time with the offensive line. We are about ready to go talk to the athletic director or the principal, but are afraid it will make matters worse.

What is your advice?

Dear Reader,

So, you feel that your son and the offensive line is being treated like a second fiddle by your head coach. I hear ya. Let’s see if we can get this little thing in perspective and look at the difference between the pickin’ and a grinnin’. 

You may not know of the famous conductor Leonard Bernstein, but he was once a purty big deal in Hollywood. He wrote the scores for West Side Story, Rear Window, and On the Town staring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra, to name a few. A reporter once asked him, in regards to his orchestra, “What’s the most difficult instrument to play?”

“Second fiddle,” he replied, and added, “if no one plays second, there’s no harmony.”

The same goes for the offensive linemen on a football team. If there is no protection for the quarterback, or holes made for running backs, then there is dang-sure no harmony on that football team! Without the offensive line, the quarterback and his accompaniments are useless. No way can he get his job done by pitching the ball, or getting his balls airborne or in the hands of any running backs. Without the second fiddle (the OL) there is no harmony, no rhythm, no tune, and no way to move the ball forward, much less hurling it to wide receivers for touchdowns before the quarterback’s backside meets grass by a brood of defensive guys out for blood.

Offensive linemen are a peculiar bunch. The dream of an OL coach would be to have a group of guys up front who are tightly woven like a string of pearls. Then add a perfectly performed precision ballet by moving in sync with one another, creating a barrier that no defense could break. These guys spill their guts every time the ball is snapped, only to receive little glory for the battle. Have you ever heard an announcer praise and call out an offensive lineman’s name for that marvelous pancake blocking? Maybe ever so often, but it’s gotta be a mighty-darn special block and usually down field, not off the line of scrimmage. The neutral zones are the most physical blocks—the more athletic blocks are down field. Either way, blocking is a rough fiddle to strum. These dudes are the most unselfish players on the team.

I do a lot of reading between the lines within the questions we receive, and this question is no different. If I had to guess, I suppose head coach has a lot of notes he’s trying to make into melodies, and his time is already split coaching and drilling the quarterback and wide receivers, making sure they know how to run his routes and understand his game plans. Checking on his defense to get them ready to stop the next opponent and execute his game plan for that to happen, is probably second nature to him. He’s checking his song sheet so his team ends up on the same page of music. I do believe that’s kinda what you’d want in a coach.

He’s not a babysitter—he’s orchestrating a perfect harmony for his team, and that requires focus where the trouble spots are to hit the keys just right. I suspect you are a winning team this season, and he’s doing all he can to keep it that way.

Your coach may be from the offensive side of the ball, meaning he played quarterback in college or whatever, and he’s teaching what he knows. He also may have a lot of trust in his offensive line coach. Maybe they worked together to craft their offense strategy over the summer, and coach has complete confidence in this position coach. If I had to bet, I would bet the offensive line is looking great in games, on film, or in practice, and y’all are headed for a crescendo season. Coach feels his time is better spent honing drills with the ball carriers. He’s not needed on the OL. That’s a good thing. That means your son and his teammates are nailing their assignments.

Hear me on this. Whether or not he is from the offensive side of the ball, he is well aware of how valuable his second fiddle, the OL, really is. I don’t believe for a second he’s playing favorites; he’s just one guy trying to make the most out of the time and the talent he’s got, and he’s not about to micro manage the OL, because there are no flat notes being played out there.

If you do decide to go to the AD or the principal, you may end up with nothing more than the cat and the fiddle. Wouldn’t that put a knot in the cow’s tail as he jumped over the moon?   

Filed Under: football, Football Mom Column, football players, football season, high school football, leadership, offensive lineman, teamwork

Let’s Talk College Recruiters

March 28, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

We are fast approaching spring practice at our high school and the annual spring game. Our coach tells us there could be a few college scouts that may attend. Our son will be a junior. Please tell me some tips for getting him noticed and ultimately recruited to play college football. What should he do to stand out?

Dear Reader,

I’m afraid that “tips” are just like the catch phrase, “farm to table” which was simply somebody’s quirky cliché for advertising purposes. Hasn’t all our food at some point comes from some farm, somewhere? It may have been processed to death, but by golly, it started out on a farm. “Tips” rings the same way. Magazines needed banner topics for different subjects so—presto—we have the word “tips.” Not trying to be a sassy-frass, but in football, there is no such thing as tips, unless that is, the ball got tipped on a field goal attempt. What I try to do is share information, pointers, and suggestions. I just really don’t have any tips, but I get what you mean, so let’s see if I can answer your question this way.

Every position in the game of football is different, and one size doesn’t fit all. That said there are some all-purpose pointers I’m happy to share. For the most part, there’s no magic formula, short cut, or equation to getting our sons noticed by college recruiters. The following includes a few suggestions for those guys of fall—well in this case, spring. It is up to your son however, to execute with as much excellence as he can muster.

Honestly, first and foremost, he’s got to play his heart out for his team. Period. Practice like he plays in a game. Stay diligent.

Be coachable. Attitude goes a long way. If he works hard and listens to his coach, that will pay dividends at the end of the day. Remember, his coach has relationships with college recruiters, college recruiters talk to high school coaches, and his coach will share with these cats information not only about his talent, but also on his coachability.

Be the guy who loves to compete. Leading his team to winning seasons is a plus. Like it or not, recruiters tend to show up more frequently at winning teams. It may not sound fair, but for college recruiters, time is money. They don’t have time to drive all over kingdom come for a “maybe” on losing teams. Coaches know teams that win, have at least a couple of competitors embedded within their team. College coaches always look for competitors.

Keep his nose clean. You can take that figuratively and literally. The last thing coaches need on campus are new recruits who have to be baby-sat. You might possess all the talent, break records right and left, but if you are a troublemaker—trust me, they will pass. You might qualify for D-IAA or D-II, but if you are a rebel-rouser, your chances for D-IA just left the stadium. College coaches don’t have time to waste on fools and scallywags.

Keep your grades up. Coaches are just as interested in your GPA as they are your time in the 40. I suggest taking the SAT or ACT in your sophomore or junior year. That way you can enjoy your senior year more and focus on your team (provided you met the college requirement scores). I would not waste money on the PSATs because they don’t count anyway. Nowadays, you can find several tutorials online that help students get up to speed and practice for these tests.

Naturally, the obvious—work out till the cows come home. Work hard to improve in everything, every aspect, every area. Increase your time in the 40 (yes even you offensive linemen). Get with your position coach and ask him some suggestions on what you can improve on. There is no such thing as not improving. You can always improve in something. Who says you can’t practice position reps at home?

To really stand out, leadership is key. Unselfish leadership is The Holy Grail. Getting teammates pumped up for games and practice, or helping other players with his position or stance or hundreds of other acts of unselfish leadership will put him ahead of any competition. He can’t be a casual bystander. He has to lead intentionally.

Hope this helped and that your son finds himself one day with several D-IA offers, which involves a whole other set of suggestions. Best wishes and shine-on.

Footnote: This is my last column until after July 4th. In the meantime, y’all have some awesome spring practices and keep the questions and comments coming … Candy@CandyAWestbrook.com please put “football question” in subject line. I promise to answer all in a few short months and as always, keep them confidential. Gooooo Football Moms!!!

Filed Under: college coaches, college football recruiting, college recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football season, high school football, leadership, senior year, sons, teamwork, Wisdom

How to Build a Bridge

February 26, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

I’m a coach’s wife at a small college and gossip, good or bad, travels quickly throughout our campus. In our close-knit community, rumor had it that my husband was getting fired at the end of this past season. He’s the head football coach. He has NOT been fired, at least not at this time. The rumors of him getting fired, however, soured the attitude of his staff, assistant coaches, and just about everyone associated with our program. A few assistants have already jumped ship. It is making recruiting extra hard. Is there anything I can do as his wife to help stop the bleeding?

Dear Reader,

Whoa. Thank you for reading our column and trusting me with this very sensitive situation. I’ve been asked some tough questions before, but this kind of goes beyond the stadium uprights. I’m not in the habit of telling wives of coaches, or for that matter, coaches what to do—unless that is, I’m in the stands at a game yelling mercilessly—as if I think I know something they don’t.

In this case, though, cheeky chatter put y’all in a pickle, all right. Hopefully, together we can unscrew the lid and share some ideas before they all go rancid. Remember this right-here, what I’m about to share, is no tried and true recipe.

I suppose your husband had a sit-down-fireside chat with your AD (athletic director) and/or the chancellor/president of the college. If not, I suggest he line up a meeting with these cats soon. Making sure everyone is executing the same game plan to stop the wagging tongues and false fabrications should be the first course of action. That’d be my number one priority, anyhow.

The second suggestion may be to initiate an all-out gathering of the troops: assistant coaches, equipment guys, trainers, support staff, administrators, professors, janitors, or any other college personnel that could have added to, or been privy to, the cock-and-bull stories. Here is where you come in.

I would think about inviting all these folks regardless of position, if they work at the college, invite them. Host a sort of Spring Soiree at your home before the spring scrimmage game. Wouldn’t that extinguish any embers floating and stop the innuendos hovering over your program? By bringing the staff, together and breaking bread, especially a home dinner, should establish some much-needed camaraderie.

“A house divided against itself cannot stand.” –Abraham Lincoln. That means college football teams, too. Hosting the party on your turf, at your home, will set the stage of good faith effort on your part, and perhaps nudge the program forward with newly forged friendships. It’s hard to talk about somebody behind their back while eating their food.    

No program can put together a winning team when naysayers and negative attitudes are feasibly the first folks parents see once visiting campus. When recruits come to the university, it’s in everyone’s interest to host these players and their families like they were royalty, regardless of how staff’s feels about their coach. Take that or not. A unified front and solidarity at the center of your program puts it ahead of others vying for talented players. Also, all staff should reek of graciousness, even those colleges above the Mason Dixon Line, or West of the Mississippi.

Third, when recruits do come on campus, I suggest being honest and upfront. “Hey, we’ve got things that need to get straightened out here, and we’re working hard on that. We need YOU to help us.” Being honest is always best. You may be surprised how that works to your advantage. I’ve never seen a competitive player yet who didn’t love a challenge.

Of course winning, next season won’t hurt either.  


Dear Football Mom,

Our high school booster club is running short of money and parents’ participation. We’ve had some losing seasons the last few years, and no one is very motivated to help. I’m the president of our club and wanted to push for a fundraiser for our spring practice game. Only a handful of parents signed up to help. What should I do?

Dear Reader,

You start with the handful. Thank your lucky stars for the handful. Do what you can with what you’ve got. Maybe it won’t be the big-banger-moneymaker you envisioned, but fall will be here before you know it, and you’ll need help then too. Groom the ones who do get involved to accept more responsibility come game season.

Whatever you do, don’t let them see you sweat. Change your attitude, and be positive even if it kills you. Smile and have fun. Ignore the ones who don’t help or won’t help, and when they see y’all having fun; they’ll know they are missing out on something special. Maybe then, you’ll have more parents who’ll want a piece of the action.

Be creative. Instead of a “sign-up” sheet, make it a “Parents/Grandparents Participation Sheet.” Maybe offer free window decals for parents who work concession stand. You get the idea. Make it a privilege for parents to participate in their son’s booster club. After all, it is a privilege.

Attitude is everything. It’s like I told a preacher once long ago when he complained in the pulpit about the ones who weren’t there. After service I said, “Hey man, preach to the ones who “are” here, and forget about the ones who “aren’t.” What do you think we are? Chopped liver?”      

Filed Under: college football recruiting, college recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football season, leadership, Wisdom

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About Candy

Candy A. Westbrook is a writer, newspaper columnist, and speaker whose passion lingers on the football field. She inspires families of all sports, but at her heart is her love for those boys of fall.

Helmet Kisses – The Heart Behind The Gridiron

Candy is working hard on her football memoir, Helmet Kisses. Make sure to watch for news and sign up for Candy’s newsletter so you never miss an update!

Helmet Kisses - The Heart Behind The Gridiron

About Candy

Candy A. Westbrook is a writer, newspaper columnist, and speaker whose passion lingers on the football field. She inspires families of all sports, but at her heart is her love for those boys of fall. College football recruiting can leave parents dangling on a zipline indefinitely and need someone on the other side who gets it. She inspires parents to go the distance because, “the topic may be football, but the real subject is life.”

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