quitting Archives | Candy A. Westbrook

Where’s the Loyalty?

March 11, 2020 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

Most of our families, including extended family, are LSU fans. Not all of them are in our newspaper’s reading area, but I gave them your website so they could read the recent column you wrote about the feud between next-door neighbors LSU and Clemson fans. You can’t control what some fans do, or their nasty antics. The rant about the eggs thrown was justifiable. I am, however, so proud of our LSU Tigers!

LSU was the clear winner and reigning National Champions. But we are upset with all the coaches leaving LSU right after the win. Who are really the winners? Yes, we hold the title, but when most coaches leave instantly after a winning season, come on. Begs the question, wouldn’t those coaches likely had to have been making those deals before the game? To us, that is disgusting. What say you?

Dear Reader,

Oh, my sweet Purple Tiger Fan. Where have you been all my life? I agree it is disgusting!

That dirty little back room has cleaned the clocks of many football programs, their fans, boosters, and alum. LSU is, sadly, no different from many other universities that get peppered for a spell. Where is that Louisiana Hot Sauce when you need it …

These dudes, the coaches, scream loyalty with gobs of powdered sugar piled high on their beignets when it comes to making those deals. They most certainly want those sweet loyalty clauses in their contracts, which really don’t exist. What does exist is the green and purple King Cake called paperbacks. Most contracts protect the universities from going into bankruptcy. The baby’s in the buyout portion. These are safety nets included in the contracts. In other words, if an athletic director from another program steals say, a head coach from a winning program, the AD agrees to buy out the contract of the coach he wishes to hire. Forget Mardi Gras and take the mask off. It’s musical chairs, plain and simple. Programs have paid millions in fees just to hire the new eye candy they think is the answer to their woes. Too often, that sugar high melts like butter and turns into gooey jambalaya. The program paid millions for nothing.

But LSU didn’t just lose some coaches, they lost key players too. Tremendous players. Now that’s what I call a mushy mess! The poor ole fellers who are left will have to start from scratch to make their red beans and rice. But, your Coach O is like a roux to the gumbo and he’s recruited some awesome players. He is one of the best in the business and he’ll flavor that pot with just the right ingredients. He’s born and bred Louisianan and he’s not going anywhere except back to business in Tiger Stadium.

I dare say some of those players who did leave for the NFL will never make it in the NFL for various reasons. Not trying to be Negative Nelly here, just can’t help but call the cups of sugar as I’ve seen them for a few years. What you think might be a good deal turns out not such a great deal after all. Just like a double hot-fudge Sunday, it looks good … taste good … but come Monday morning stepping on the scales, and they tilt forward. Ouch.

This kind of stuff happens every year to programs across the country. It’s not very nice. And back to the loyalty thing … it hurts. But remember when y’all LSU folks thought you’d never recover from the loss of a guy named Nick Sabin who threw off he’s beads for the NFL?

When the Road Gets Rough: Tough Love for Some Football Parents

December 12, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

So, our son got caught smoking pot behind the gym at school two weeks ago. He and his buddies (not football players) have been expelled and put on probation by the juvenile court judge in our county. I have mixed emotions, from heartbreak to raging mad, at this system of so-called, justice! He is only 17 and he’s one of the stars on the football team going into state championship playoffs. Coach kicked him off the team, and now he won’t be able to play in any championship games. It’s his senior year and could be the last time he ever gets to play. We’ve pleaded with the coach until we’re blue in the face. We paid the fine, we took the punishment, he’s doing community service, but what about second chances? What can we do?

Dear Reader,

Sounds to me like not a dad-blame thing. The shoulda coulda woulda act is in play here. As his parents, what do you think y’all should have, or could have, or would have done before this behavior became the nightmare before playoffs? Maybe cracking down on your son once you saw him wiggling out of accountability. I suspect he and his merry men have done this pot smoking before. I love your comment, “… mad at the system.” What about being mad at the reason for the season failure—your son?

I’m sorry, but your son as a senior, shoulda been a leader and known better than to try such a stunt on school property—or anybody’s property as far as that goes. That is, after all, where the guilt should lie. Not at the system, not at the coach, not at the peddler who sold him the pot … And who does that leave? Your son.

As his parents, this kind of behavior starts at home with what is accepted and what is not. It’s up to parents to make that crystal clear. More importantly, set boundaries and standards, and actually model them yourselves. He had to have some gull bring drugs to school, much less using them to boot. Maybe Santa Clauses boot should meet someone’s backside.

Look, no parent wants something like this to happen, just like no one is perfect, including parents. But the bottom line here is holding your son liable, not trying to weasel out of the consequences of his actions for him.

It’s a tough world out there. This could be a lesson for your entire family and save this young man’s life in the future. Better to learn that there are aftereffects to stupid choices now than being called to a morgue to identify your son’s body—due to an accident getting high off weed and swerving head on into a telephone pole. Parents are called every day to do such a horrid thing. Very sad, especially because it could be avoided.

By the way, he’s got a second chance. A second chance at turning this situation into something positive. He could volunteer at a homeless shelter next summer or on Saturdays. He’d soon find out how drugs affected many in this population and whether he’d like to follow in their footsteps.

I hope he humbles himself and admits the wrong of his actions. I hope he supports his team. I hope he attends every game between now and any playoffs. I hope his parents lead him to make good choices. How y’all handle this moving forward will speak volumes to his success in life.

Dear Football Mom,

I’m writing you from my son’s hospital room. Last Saturday while playing in the game, he suffered a concussion, broken arm, and dislocated shoulder in a weird tackle. He underwent surgery Monday to repair the broken arm, and shoulder. Now they found his rotator cuff compromised by a tear as well. One of his knees has a contusion. He is recovering nicely and expected to be 100 percent by spring. He is only a sophomore in college and was red-shirted. This was his first year playing. His biggest disappointment is not being able to play the rest of the season because his team is headed to win their conference championship.

How do I encourage him to continue football when I hated the game to begin with? I’ve never been a fan of football. Of course, my husband on the other hand … let’s just say he thrives on it. Now, it’s all I can do to muster the energy to hold my tongue when all I want to do is scream bloody murder at my husband. I want my son to continue college without playing football. We are a divided household, what is your best advice?

Dear Reader,

My heart goes out to you and your family, and I can only say I understand more than you may imagine. But know this—he is so blessed to have a mom by his bedside and a dad who is involved in his life.

My own son broke his leg in a game some years back. Surgery was scheduled immediately to insert a titanium rod to increase healing time. During his recovery in the hospital I found there were a few other players admitted for various reasons on the same floor. I went to visit them and found no parent or family member anywhere. And not only that … their hospital rooms were hollow. Not one balloon, card, goody bag, or anything else to cheer them up. I went directly back to my son’s room and looked around. There was such an outpouring of love lavished on this Buddy-Row it was downright embarrassing. He even had professors come to see him. Now, I will tell you the truth, my boy was not a book student. Not ever. Yet there they were, one after another visiting that guy and bringing goody bags. Whatever impression he made on them, it didn’t reflect on his grades!

I gathered-up a few balloon bouquets, goody bags, and anything else I thought the fellas down the hall might like and took it to those players who had nothing. You see, your son is blessed to have parents who give a hoot, even if you are hooting two different horns.

It’s too early to squabble over any choice your family may make—play ball, not play ball. Just get him well. Stay on top of doctor appointments. Make sure he takes his meds and eats well to get healthy. Keep the trainer’s phone number handy, and double check to make sure he has yours at the touch of a button. Load the dorm fridge with fruits and veggies that are easy to snack on.

My best advice right now is to present a united front. When it comes down to it, I hate to tell you, Mom, it really will be his choice to play or not.

When the Going Gets Tough, Will You Get Going?

November 26, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

How do you help your son cope when he was carried off the field on a stretcher during the game playoffs last Friday night? He’s in the hospital with a broken ankle and will have surgery soon. He is so angry that he won’t be able to play for the region championship. He’s a wide receiver and has broken several school records this season. We are not a religious family, but I’ve read that you are. Would you pray for us? I’m afraid of what this is doing to his usual positive personality.

Dear Reader,

Oh, my stars, I am so sorry y’all are going through this trial. The truth is I’ve been in your shoes, and I know how hard it is, scary even, to see your child in pain and facing surgery. As moms, we are sometimes at a loss of how to help our children through this kind of adversity without becoming uptight, anxious, and full-blown frantic ourselves. Of course, I’ll pray for y’all, and all the other boys of fall who have taken a hit this year. As much fun as football is, it’s never fun to get laid up with injuries. But injuries don’t have to stop a player’s determination. In fact, it will reveal it.

Once rehab kicks in, it will be totally up to him as to his recovery. How determined will his willpower be in working through the pain? This is when the winner or whiner in him will come out. It is true. I tell you no lie. But as a mom of faith, I can tell you that leaning on the Lord is the best medicine, rehab, or recovery plan available.

That said, my best suggestion would be to start a game plan now. It is never good for an active athlete to while away the hours and get all bubble-headed. While he recovers from surgery, I would recommend reading a couple of books that might shine a light and help him through the downtime. You may even want to read out loud to him in the hospital. You’d be surprised how effective that is to get his mind off himself and that doggone injury.

My picks for reading are Never Shut Up by Marcellus Wiley or Shaken by Tim Tebow. Once home, your whole family may enjoy films like, My All American. That film would be my first choice. It’s an awesome story about a player who never gave up for the Texas Longhorns and head coach legend, Darrell Royal. It could bring a tear—it is a true story. He might also enjoy Touchback, another great story, but he may not appreciate the significance of the film until later. Of course, good ole Rudy, and Facing the Giants is really good too, it starts off slow, but you’ll be drawn in, in more ways than one.

Keeping a timely curfew and getting plenty of rest and h2o (water) is huge. No goofing off and being stupid. He’ll be behind with schoolwork anyhow, so keeping a regimen and a schedule is always a good idea. Keep any doctor appointments.

Make sure he eats healthy—green veggies, real food, meat, fish, and milk. And keep that boy off his foot as much as possible. In other words … no cape flying, no Superman stunts! Stay on the crutches when mobile, no weight bearing for a few weeks. Listen to the doc and after release—rehab, rehab, rehab.

I have no doubt this trial will turn for good at some point for your family, and y’all will come out even stronger than you ever thought possible. So will your son.

Dear Football Mom,

Our son wants to give up football after being benched most of the year. He has potential but no confidence. Next year he’ll be a sophomore in high school. It is the only sport he plays, and he really does love it. What can we do to increase his confidence?

Dear Reader,

What if Babe Ruth pulled out and didn’t show up after 1,330 strikeouts? What if Peyton Manning—who once had a speech impediment and was born with cleft palate—quit the position of quarterback, afraid to call the plays or counts because he wouldn’t be understood? What if Michael Jordon quit basketball after failing to make his high school basketball team as a sophomore.

These were all ordinary people who hung in, stuck to it, and came out on top with extraordinary results because they failed to give up. Of course, my stance has always been that it is more harmful to force kids to play. Football players have to want to play the game and make up their own minds to do so. However, not playing could put his confidence meter in a corner for a very long time.

Small success lead to bigger success, but ya gotta put yourself out there. Maybe he is great at math or loves science. Or, can run fast. The point is, find something that he likes, is good at and build on that. Small encouragement matters.

As for the confidence of your son, the little imp lie of “the comparison trap” might be more at play than you think. But hey, honestly, if he was a freshman on a varsity team, that’s purdy awesome right there, even if he did warm the bench. He still practiced, worked out, and helped his team, perhaps more than he knows.

Besides, you can learn a lot from the bench. But ya gotta pay attention. Take full advantage of the bench view, watch the game, the coaches, mark down mental notes, then who knows … he could be the guy with the red nose who’s called upon because of his rare talent—and leads his team to victory.

How to Be a True Leader—On and Off the Field

November 5, 2018 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

There is a chance we could be in the state playoffs for the first time in school history. My son is one of the senior captains. Several football players on our team are more basketball players than football players, and basketball is their chosen sport. They are great athletics, valuable to our football team, and have contributed enormously to our winning season. Basketball practice has already started at our school. Our son is sensing an unrest or an uneasiness with these players wanting to get done with football to move on to basketball. That would hurt our chances for state. How does he lead his team and encourage these players who are itching to get on with basketball to hang in through the playoffs?

Dear Reader,

Wow. Great question! How cool is that, to line up in football for a chance to birth a state championship. Congratulations to your son, his team, and his high school on a winning season.

So, what we have here are a few sweet football fellas who have ants in their pants to quit football and hook up with basketball. Sounds like a girlfriend dumping the boyfriend to go with another guy. We call this fickle, bubble-headed, or wobbly. This is tough because if you can’t be all in, especially playing football, you really should be all out.

To be clear, I am a fan of basketball too. So please keep the hate mail to a minimum. Not putting basketball down a-tall. Just promoting sticking with what a body started, committed to, and staying consistent, is all. Some might call it being a man of your word. Others, reliable.

Your son may have to have one of them heart-to-heart talks with the basketball players. Either they want to make football history for the school … or they don’t. It really is that simple. What these boys need is fire in the belly, not fire ants in their pants.

I imagine coach is well aware of this tiny infraction and will do all he can to bring any breach to a successful close one way or the other. But your son and his teammates hold a lot of weight on the team. They may be the only ones who really know what buttons to push to help them fellas choose the higher calling. After all, one day this entire team will graduate, maybe graduate college, and get on with their lives. Do they really want to go down in history as quitters, when they can choose to be part of a team that broke school records? Surely not.

No doubt, a lot of hard work went into this team since last summer, last season, and possibly beyond that. Countless hours of workouts, practice, teamwork, and the coaches strategic game plans. Winning seasons don’t just happen. Do the basketballers really want to chunk it all now?

Honestly, I haven’t a clue on how to help, but your son with his crew will figure out how to spike the ball and stop the clock. What it comes to for them basketball boys, will they seize the day and take the challenge out front. Basketball isn’t dribbling away—it will still be there once football ends.

This possible high school state championship is but a moment in time, a once in a lifetime opportunity. He may remind them just how special and rare championship teams are. The chance of participating on any other sports-related championship team becomes a roll of the dice. It can come down to now or never.

Remember, what you do today will determine how well your tomorrow shines.

Dear Football Mom,

When your own team boos your son, how do you respond to that? My son is a good player. But in the region playoffs, minutes before the fourth quarter ended, he dropped the ball. Yes, fumbled it on the twelve-yard line. Then it was picked up by the other team, and they ran for a touchdown. Time was up. The game was over. We lost.

Dear Reader,

What I can tell you is this, the “boos” were probably for the other team picking it up and running all the way for a touchdown. This does happen, and the sting of it lasts for a while. The booing can even last for what seems like an eternity, and even our sons’ names or numbers are chanted out—and not in a good way. The mudslinging can get downright nasty.

Sometimes, like it or not, our sons may deserve it. Most football players at every level blows-it now and then. Heck, I’ve yelled at my own sons before and I’ve blown it myself a time or two. But I know, it tough sitting in the stands hearing the chatter. Still, it’s how we respond that helps us keep our cool.
Pluck the feathers out from under your skin—you are not a chicken. Football Moms … we have to grow some Teflon skin and wipe it off. Usually, some good ole fashion grit will do just fine for that.

There’s a Big “I” in Quit!

September 4, 2012 by Candy A. Westbrook

To Quit, or not to Quit, that is the question.

Let’s be honest, haven’t we all wanted to quit at something one time or another in our lives? Maybe when the going got so bad you wanted to pull your hair out? What then, I ask, was it that made you continue? Might it have been envisioning the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or something else that gripped your heart? Maybe even something stronger than you ever thought possible buried just below the surface?

The big “I” in quit has everything to do with you! You control the “I” in the quit factor. And, at the end of the day it’s all up to you.

Perhaps you’ve either quit on a job, a friend, a colleague, a dream, something in your past, something in the present, or maybe you’ve never quit on anything in your life. Most of us have quit on something a time or two in life, whether it was for our benefit or not. Maybe it was for a good reason, or maybe you found an excuse to quit. Heck, I think we can all find excuses going for the bargain price of a dime a dozen!

Let’s take football teams for example. (You knew I was getting to it!) Why is it that some teams seem to thrive on 4th down and 2. Seconds left on the clock. No huddle. Run the ball in for a TD to capture the winning score’all with no fumbles or confusion and certainly no quitting from any player. While other teams appear to fumble like crazy and fall apart under such pressure?

I’m here to declare that, yes great coaching, preparing and game planning has a lot to do with it. But honestly, even more importantly—it’s in the DNA mind-set within the players, y’all! That sounds so simple but it is so true. I hate to squash your image of how genius-like and dang-nab artfully your head coach executes his game plan, but it has got more to do with what happens between the ears of his players than it does brawn or coaching or even the cheering home field advantage.

Proverbs 23: 7 “As a man “thinks” in his heart, so is he…”

So, with that in mind, how do you view yourself within your own heart? Are you a quitter, or do you keep on going when things look out of reach? The big “I” in quit can be most challenging and pesky and here’s why: it’s your reflection you see in the mirror. No one else’s. We’ve only ourselves and the Lord to answer to.

As strong women, single mothers or wives, we’ve all had those days of hair pullin’ and would’ve offered up our children to the lowest bidder at a moment’s notice. Or, we sent up the white flag in surrender to the unbearable circumstances we were facing, and some of you may be having one of those days today! Of course, we’d never really offer up our kids, then again?? Kidding, I’m only kidding…

I believe we as strong women have simply set our minds to do impossible things, especially when we are tired and plum worn out. We go the extra mile for our kids, sometimes literally, driving them here or there, investing time in them with the hopes of rearing bright, productive, unselfish offspring—citizens who will contribute to society in positive ways. I salute mamas and women who inspire and encourage a no quit spirit in the mind-sets of their children and influence their communities for a greater good.

Just like the football team that click’s under pressure, our juggling act isn’t easy but, Quitters? I doubt it. Gooo Ladies!

Where’s the Loyalty?

When the Road Gets Rough: Tough Love for Some Football Parents

When the Going Gets Tough, Will You Get Going?

How to Be a True Leader—On and Off the Field

There’s a Big “I” in Quit!

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