Candy A. Westbrook

Candy A. Westbrook - Author, Columnist, Speaker, Football Mom

"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus … who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJ).
  • HOME
  • COLUMN
  • SPEAKING
  • ABOUT CANDY
  • THE BOOK
  • CONTACT
  • SUBSCRIBE

Kicking Off the New Year

January 7, 2020 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

Our son already made his commitment to a division one college, but I am wondering if he should renege and back out of that verbal agreement to instead, accept an offer from a college in the state of California. Maybe he can earn some money since they’ve passed the pay to play. A school from that state made him an offer earlier in the year. Do you think he should reconnect with them and tell them he’d like to take them up on their scholarship offer? It would mean we’d have to travel a distance to see his home games, but maybe it’s worth it for him to gain a little money and add to his savings.

Dear Reader,

And this right here, is the very reason I am against the “pay to play” ruling. Of course, Florida is looking to pass this law soon too. It’s so wrong on so many levels. I am usually not quite that blunt (well, then again, maybe I am), but boy howdy, this deal, the pay to play, is like a grasshopper jumping under your blue-jeans with no way to scoot the varmint out without showing a body’s backside!

I hope like heck most of y’all haven’t thought a double-minded, Mickey-Mouse, willy-nilly maneuvering technique to your children in how they handle business dealings, regardless if they play a sport or not. No offense to Mickey Mouse—my littles and some of the older grands adore him and Minnie. But come on.

The first thing you should be aware of as a parent is to never weasel out of your word. If your son gave his word to the other college, then by cracky, he should stick to it and keep it. Period. At least barring anything catastrophic like a coaching change, that is. The second thing you should be aware of about this pay to play in California is that the ruling has not yet gone into action. Your son may graduate before it does. 

Quite frankly, I’m hoping the NCAA will find a way to pull it back. Do you understand that even if it was in play, your son may never get some huge endorsement from a commercial company? He may never reap the so-called benefit of suiting-up at some college where the pay to play is actually at play.

And for the record, he is earning money! He’s receiving a free education. He will graduate without college debt, and that is huge. Hopefully, that is his main goal, to walk away with a degree in hand. Meals, books, lodging, tuition, even tutoring is free for the student athlete. He’s already ahead of the game that most college students face. Good heavens, what more could you ask for.   


Dear Football Mom,

I don’t understand the rankings of college football. Why are some teams ranked in the top five while others with the same record are ranked lower? For example, why is Clemson ranked three when they are just as undefeated as Ohio State or LSU? What gives?

Dear Reader,

Great question! That would take an act of congress for me to splain it all and quite honestly, I’m not sure I’d be on point with the correct answer. But you got me on this one, and I can’t resist a challenge, so reckon I’m gonna take a stab at it.

There is a little committee that thrives on “guesses” and “misses” made up of head football coaches—yeah, like they can be fair and unbiased. Sure, they are. Along with other experts like media geniuses and then, perhaps there are the PhDs of Popular Football Mechanics who make up this board of pals. Giving it their best shot, they submit a list each week ignoring TV contracts and stockholders, or deep-pocketed influential boosters, past traditions, and popular opinions of social status stars to vote on rankings. (My sass is showing through.)

Supposedly, the rankings are based on who said team Tee’s up to play, how much they ran up the score, and how tough the team was that got the shocking splattering. That’s the short version anyhow.

Cheer up my fair football fans, no head coach on the planet cares a gnat’s behind about these rankings. Or gives any weight to the top 25 in front of their players, fans, and boosters. It’s psychological, messing with players’ and coaches’ heads and scheming to get programs to question their viability, causing useless dustups between conferences. Most coaches pay no mind and discount the rankings, especially if they aren’t on the list. It’s also political in football terms and a sore spot with athletic directors. The rub here is that most sportscasters make fun and joke about how off the mark these rankings are. And they usually are. Way off the mark. Clemson is a great example of that. They have earned the right to at least a number two spot.

This team of scallywags can never predict the heart of a team. Or the strength and power of the will to win. They are there to take up newspaper print, make some poor old coach about to retire feel important, gain favor with sportscasters so they’ll talk highly about their program, and give lip service to TV contracts.   

Take heart my football fans—it’s just useless noise.

Filed Under: college football recruiting, college recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football players, Pay to Play, senior year, sons, Wisdom

When the Road Gets Rough: Tough Love for Some Football Parents

December 12, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

So, our son got caught smoking pot behind the gym at school two weeks ago. He and his buddies (not football players) have been expelled and put on probation by the juvenile court judge in our county. I have mixed emotions, from heartbreak to raging mad, at this system of so-called, justice! He is only 17 and he’s one of the stars on the football team going into state championship playoffs. Coach kicked him off the team, and now he won’t be able to play in any championship games. It’s his senior year and could be the last time he ever gets to play. We’ve pleaded with the coach until we’re blue in the face. We paid the fine, we took the punishment, he’s doing community service, but what about second chances? What can we do?

Dear Reader,

Sounds to me like not a dad-blame thing. The shoulda coulda woulda act is in play here. As his parents, what do you think y’all should have, or could have, or would have done before this behavior became the nightmare before playoffs? Maybe cracking down on your son once you saw him wiggling out of accountability. I suspect he and his merry men have done this pot smoking before. I love your comment, “… mad at the system.” What about being mad at the reason for the season failure—your son? 

I’m sorry, but your son as a senior, shoulda been a leader and known better than to try such a stunt on school property—or anybody’s property as far as that goes. That is, after all, where the guilt should lie. Not at the system, not at the coach, not at the peddler who sold him the pot … And who does that leave? Your son.

As his parents, this kind of behavior starts at home with what is accepted and what is not. It’s up to parents to make that crystal clear. More importantly, set boundaries and standards, and actually model them yourselves. He had to have some gull bring drugs to school, much less using them to boot. Maybe Santa Clauses boot should meet someone’s backside.

Look, no parent wants something like this to happen, just like no one is perfect, including parents. But the bottom line here is holding your son liable, not trying to weasel out of the consequences of his actions for him.

It’s a tough world out there. This could be a lesson for your entire family and save this young man’s life in the future. Better to learn that there are aftereffects to stupid choices now than being called to a morgue to identify your son’s body—due to an accident getting high off weed and swerving head on into a telephone pole. Parents are called every day to do such a horrid thing. Very sad, especially because it could be avoided.

By the way, he’s got a second chance. A second chance at turning this situation into something positive. He could volunteer at a homeless shelter next summer or on Saturdays. He’d soon find out how drugs affected many in this population and whether he’d like to follow in their footsteps.

I hope he humbles himself and admits the wrong of his actions. I hope he supports his team. I hope he attends every game between now and any playoffs. I hope his parents lead him to make good choices. How y’all handle this moving forward will speak volumes to his success in life.


Dear Football Mom,

I’m writing you from my son’s hospital room. Last Saturday while playing in the game, he suffered a concussion, broken arm, and dislocated shoulder in a weird tackle. He underwent surgery Monday to repair the broken arm, and shoulder. Now they found his rotator cuff compromised by a tear as well. One of his knees has a contusion. He is recovering nicely and expected to be 100 percent by spring. He is only a sophomore in college and was red-shirted. This was his first year playing. His biggest disappointment is not being able to play the rest of the season because his team is headed to win their conference championship. 

How do I encourage him to continue football when I hated the game to begin with? I’ve never been a fan of football. Of course, my husband on the other hand … let’s just say he thrives on it. Now, it’s all I can do to muster the energy to hold my tongue when all I want to do is scream bloody murder at my husband. I want my son to continue college without playing football. We are a divided household, what is your best advice?

Dear Reader,

My heart goes out to you and your family, and I can only say I understand more than you may imagine. But know this—he is so blessed to have a mom by his bedside and a dad who is involved in his life.

My own son broke his leg in a game some years back. Surgery was scheduled immediately to insert a titanium rod to increase healing time. During his recovery in the hospital I found there were a few other players admitted for various reasons on the same floor. I went to visit them and found no parent or family member anywhere. And not only that … their hospital rooms were hollow. Not one balloon, card, goody bag, or anything else to cheer them up. I went directly back to my son’s room and looked around. There was such an outpouring of love lavished on this Buddy-Row it was downright embarrassing. He even had professors come to see him. Now, I will tell you the truth, my boy was not a book student. Not ever. Yet there they were, one after another visiting that guy and bringing goody bags. Whatever impression he made on them, it didn’t reflect on his grades!

I gathered-up a few balloon bouquets, goody bags, and anything else I thought the fellas down the hall might like and took it to those players who had nothing. You see, your son is blessed to have parents who give a hoot, even if you are hooting two different horns.

It’s too early to squabble over any choice your family may make—play ball, not play ball. Just get him well. Stay on top of doctor appointments. Make sure he takes his meds and eats well to get healthy. Keep the trainer’s phone number handy, and double check to make sure he has yours at the touch of a button. Load the dorm fridge with fruits and veggies that are easy to snack on.

My best advice right now is to present a united front. When it comes down to it, I hate to tell you, Mom, it really will be his choice to play or not.

Filed Under: disciplined, football, Football Mom Column, football players, football season, high school football, hope, leadership, quitting, scandal, sons, Wisdom

Are You Talkin’ To Me? How to spot an interested college recruiter

November 23, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

How many millions does it take to hire a good head coach? You know, one that isn’t full of donkey poo, puts together a college football program without empty promises, and maybe promotes honesty. Any trustworthy coaches out there? As a mother of a high school player, I’m over these college football coaches and their ridiculously high-paying salaries with over-inflated egos. None of them have offered my son a thing, not even from the smaller schools. I’m not so sure any of these coaches could identify talent if it hit them head-on. Time is short, what do we do to get our son signed?

Dear Reader,

The first thing you don’t do is let the college coaches see you sweat. I see your frustration from here. Trust me though, college coaches are excellent at finding talent and, yes, sometimes it hits them square in the face. That is, if they aren’t tripping over themselves.

If your question really hinges on the amount of money college coaches make—and a programs budget—then you’ll be in for sticker shock. No price tag for a product can compare to football on college campuses. I’m afraid that cost information could send you hurling smack-dab through the likes of a Texas Longhorn. I could never add that to my already clogged-up conscience if you happened to end up hooked on a horn. I would not pass the sniff test to even speculate the expense of running college football programs. If numbers aren’t on jerseys or on scoreboards, I’m purty useless.

Things like, is it a start-up program in which said university never offered the sport of football before and they are starting from scratch? Or, smaller school looking to build on accomplishments jumping to D-IA? Those are questions for the folks who get paid bigger bucks than me. Ones who have experience in football finance, economics, and television deals. Those who have keys to the safety deposit boxes in banks owned by wealthy alum, willing to fork out the bucks. Those are the folks to answer your question.

The powerhouses of the college game are money machines that never sleep. They churn out the change twenty-four-seven. If boosters and fans of super-conferences are willing to spend x amount of dollars to get on waiting lists just for season tickets, or up to $100,000-plus for a cushy spot on the fifty-yard line to seat their blessed assurance, then creating a football program should be a walk in the park. I suspect it’s not that simple.

My suggestion—if you really want to know—is read Billion Dollar Ball by two-time Pulitzer Prize winner, Gilbert M. Gaul. This is a book loaded with eye-opening information and all the stats your little pea-pickin’ heart desires. Plus, Gaul scrutinizes the pay scales of football’s fancy coaches. It’s a few years old, and some stats may have changed a little, like Nick Saban’s puny salary. What won’t change is Saban’s smart-aleck sass. Then again, Alabama lost to LSU on Saturday. No offense to Tide fans, but I noticed Saban was absent for any post-game remarks. What a shame. He loves the media … like he loves a snake bite.

So, back to your son. You’re telling me coaches have shown interest but haven’t come through with a solid offer. What they are really saying is, “we’ve got to see if the kid we really want will sign with us and if he doesn’t, then we’ve got room for you.” I could almost promise you that is the ruse on the part of the coaches. And, it is a little early. Y’all do have some time.

Nothing wrong with pinning the coaches down, yourself. If they are still calling your home or your son’s phone, then speak with coach ask him point blank. If they aren’t calling or keeping in touch, do a little digging. Begin with talking to your high school coach. Get as much information from him as you can such as, are recruiters calling you about our son?

Then here it can get tricky but be brave, write down what you’d like to say and go for it. Call the football office of the college showing the most interest and ask to speak with the recruiter who has been in contact with y’all. Be upfront and ask him something like, if your son fits their program, whether he’s still in the running, and when might they make a decision and offer him a scholarship. If they hem and haw, then there’s your answer. Thank him for his time and of course never burn a bridge, always leave it, if something changes, I trust you’ll be in touch. Then go to the next college on the radar. Then the next, and on down the line.

By the way, when talking to these coaches, remember they owe you nothing. Keep the frustrated attitude locked up. Humble is always the way to approach most anything in life.

Filed Under: college coaches, college football recruiting, college recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football players, high school football, pick, sons, Wisdom

Let’s Talk College Recruiters

March 28, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

We are fast approaching spring practice at our high school and the annual spring game. Our coach tells us there could be a few college scouts that may attend. Our son will be a junior. Please tell me some tips for getting him noticed and ultimately recruited to play college football. What should he do to stand out?

Dear Reader,

I’m afraid that “tips” are just like the catch phrase, “farm to table” which was simply somebody’s quirky cliché for advertising purposes. Hasn’t all our food at some point comes from some farm, somewhere? It may have been processed to death, but by golly, it started out on a farm. “Tips” rings the same way. Magazines needed banner topics for different subjects so—presto—we have the word “tips.” Not trying to be a sassy-frass, but in football, there is no such thing as tips, unless that is, the ball got tipped on a field goal attempt. What I try to do is share information, pointers, and suggestions. I just really don’t have any tips, but I get what you mean, so let’s see if I can answer your question this way.

Every position in the game of football is different, and one size doesn’t fit all. That said there are some all-purpose pointers I’m happy to share. For the most part, there’s no magic formula, short cut, or equation to getting our sons noticed by college recruiters. The following includes a few suggestions for those guys of fall—well in this case, spring. It is up to your son however, to execute with as much excellence as he can muster.

Honestly, first and foremost, he’s got to play his heart out for his team. Period. Practice like he plays in a game. Stay diligent.

Be coachable. Attitude goes a long way. If he works hard and listens to his coach, that will pay dividends at the end of the day. Remember, his coach has relationships with college recruiters, college recruiters talk to high school coaches, and his coach will share with these cats information not only about his talent, but also on his coachability.

Be the guy who loves to compete. Leading his team to winning seasons is a plus. Like it or not, recruiters tend to show up more frequently at winning teams. It may not sound fair, but for college recruiters, time is money. They don’t have time to drive all over kingdom come for a “maybe” on losing teams. Coaches know teams that win, have at least a couple of competitors embedded within their team. College coaches always look for competitors.

Keep his nose clean. You can take that figuratively and literally. The last thing coaches need on campus are new recruits who have to be baby-sat. You might possess all the talent, break records right and left, but if you are a troublemaker—trust me, they will pass. You might qualify for D-IAA or D-II, but if you are a rebel-rouser, your chances for D-IA just left the stadium. College coaches don’t have time to waste on fools and scallywags.

Keep your grades up. Coaches are just as interested in your GPA as they are your time in the 40. I suggest taking the SAT or ACT in your sophomore or junior year. That way you can enjoy your senior year more and focus on your team (provided you met the college requirement scores). I would not waste money on the PSATs because they don’t count anyway. Nowadays, you can find several tutorials online that help students get up to speed and practice for these tests.

Naturally, the obvious—work out till the cows come home. Work hard to improve in everything, every aspect, every area. Increase your time in the 40 (yes even you offensive linemen). Get with your position coach and ask him some suggestions on what you can improve on. There is no such thing as not improving. You can always improve in something. Who says you can’t practice position reps at home?

To really stand out, leadership is key. Unselfish leadership is The Holy Grail. Getting teammates pumped up for games and practice, or helping other players with his position or stance or hundreds of other acts of unselfish leadership will put him ahead of any competition. He can’t be a casual bystander. He has to lead intentionally.

Hope this helped and that your son finds himself one day with several D-IA offers, which involves a whole other set of suggestions. Best wishes and shine-on.

Footnote: This is my last column until after July 4th. In the meantime, y’all have some awesome spring practices and keep the questions and comments coming … Candy@CandyAWestbrook.com please put “football question” in subject line. I promise to answer all in a few short months and as always, keep them confidential. Gooooo Football Moms!!!

Filed Under: college coaches, college football recruiting, college recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football season, high school football, leadership, senior year, sons, teamwork, Wisdom

How to Build a Bridge

February 26, 2019 by Candy A. Westbrook

Dear Football Mom,

I’m a coach’s wife at a small college and gossip, good or bad, travels quickly throughout our campus. In our close-knit community, rumor had it that my husband was getting fired at the end of this past season. He’s the head football coach. He has NOT been fired, at least not at this time. The rumors of him getting fired, however, soured the attitude of his staff, assistant coaches, and just about everyone associated with our program. A few assistants have already jumped ship. It is making recruiting extra hard. Is there anything I can do as his wife to help stop the bleeding?

Dear Reader,

Whoa. Thank you for reading our column and trusting me with this very sensitive situation. I’ve been asked some tough questions before, but this kind of goes beyond the stadium uprights. I’m not in the habit of telling wives of coaches, or for that matter, coaches what to do—unless that is, I’m in the stands at a game yelling mercilessly—as if I think I know something they don’t.

In this case, though, cheeky chatter put y’all in a pickle, all right. Hopefully, together we can unscrew the lid and share some ideas before they all go rancid. Remember this right-here, what I’m about to share, is no tried and true recipe.

I suppose your husband had a sit-down-fireside chat with your AD (athletic director) and/or the chancellor/president of the college. If not, I suggest he line up a meeting with these cats soon. Making sure everyone is executing the same game plan to stop the wagging tongues and false fabrications should be the first course of action. That’d be my number one priority, anyhow.

The second suggestion may be to initiate an all-out gathering of the troops: assistant coaches, equipment guys, trainers, support staff, administrators, professors, janitors, or any other college personnel that could have added to, or been privy to, the cock-and-bull stories. Here is where you come in.

I would think about inviting all these folks regardless of position, if they work at the college, invite them. Host a sort of Spring Soiree at your home before the spring scrimmage game. Wouldn’t that extinguish any embers floating and stop the innuendos hovering over your program? By bringing the staff, together and breaking bread, especially a home dinner, should establish some much-needed camaraderie.

“A house divided against itself cannot stand.” –Abraham Lincoln. That means college football teams, too. Hosting the party on your turf, at your home, will set the stage of good faith effort on your part, and perhaps nudge the program forward with newly forged friendships. It’s hard to talk about somebody behind their back while eating their food.    

No program can put together a winning team when naysayers and negative attitudes are feasibly the first folks parents see once visiting campus. When recruits come to the university, it’s in everyone’s interest to host these players and their families like they were royalty, regardless of how staff’s feels about their coach. Take that or not. A unified front and solidarity at the center of your program puts it ahead of others vying for talented players. Also, all staff should reek of graciousness, even those colleges above the Mason Dixon Line, or West of the Mississippi.

Third, when recruits do come on campus, I suggest being honest and upfront. “Hey, we’ve got things that need to get straightened out here, and we’re working hard on that. We need YOU to help us.” Being honest is always best. You may be surprised how that works to your advantage. I’ve never seen a competitive player yet who didn’t love a challenge.

Of course winning, next season won’t hurt either.  


Dear Football Mom,

Our high school booster club is running short of money and parents’ participation. We’ve had some losing seasons the last few years, and no one is very motivated to help. I’m the president of our club and wanted to push for a fundraiser for our spring practice game. Only a handful of parents signed up to help. What should I do?

Dear Reader,

You start with the handful. Thank your lucky stars for the handful. Do what you can with what you’ve got. Maybe it won’t be the big-banger-moneymaker you envisioned, but fall will be here before you know it, and you’ll need help then too. Groom the ones who do get involved to accept more responsibility come game season.

Whatever you do, don’t let them see you sweat. Change your attitude, and be positive even if it kills you. Smile and have fun. Ignore the ones who don’t help or won’t help, and when they see y’all having fun; they’ll know they are missing out on something special. Maybe then, you’ll have more parents who’ll want a piece of the action.

Be creative. Instead of a “sign-up” sheet, make it a “Parents/Grandparents Participation Sheet.” Maybe offer free window decals for parents who work concession stand. You get the idea. Make it a privilege for parents to participate in their son’s booster club. After all, it is a privilege.

Attitude is everything. It’s like I told a preacher once long ago when he complained in the pulpit about the ones who weren’t there. After service I said, “Hey man, preach to the ones who “are” here, and forget about the ones who “aren’t.” What do you think we are? Chopped liver?”      

Filed Under: college football recruiting, college recruiting, football, Football Mom Column, football season, leadership, Wisdom

  • 1
  • 2
  • Next Page »

About Candy

Candy A. Westbrook is a writer, newspaper columnist, and speaker whose passion lingers on the football field. She inspires families of all sports, but at her heart is her love for those boys of fall.

Helmet Kisses – The Heart Behind The Gridiron

Candy is working hard on her football memoir, Helmet Kisses. Make sure to watch for news and sign up for Candy’s newsletter so you never miss an update!

Helmet Kisses - The Heart Behind The Gridiron

About Candy

Candy A. Westbrook is a writer, newspaper columnist, and speaker whose passion lingers on the football field. She inspires families of all sports, but at her heart is her love for those boys of fall. College football recruiting can leave parents dangling on a zipline indefinitely and need someone on the other side who gets it. She inspires parents to go the distance because, “the topic may be football, but the real subject is life.”

Pages

Home
Candy’s Column
Candy’s Speaking Engagement
About Candy
The Book – Helmet Kisses
Contact Candy

 FACEBOOK Should be here

Connect with Candy

Automatic Updates

Sign up to receive Candy's column delivered straight to your inbox

Copyright ©2022 - Candy A. Westbrook
Mindwhirl Digital Marketing